


With Arms in Hand and Mind

by wherenonagoes



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Ending, Alternate Universe, F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-13
Updated: 2014-04-04
Packaged: 2018-01-15 13:07:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 31,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1305901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wherenonagoes/pseuds/wherenonagoes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean Kirschtein is a knight, serving the kind ruler of Westgate, and he works alongside his friend, Marco Bott. Soon enough though, he isn't too sure being a knight is right for him.</p><p>((Two endings available. Ending 1 = major character death, Ending 2 = no major character death.))</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [littleheavens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleheavens/gifts).



Jean took in large gulps of air, his wooden practise blade resting on the ground. Across from him stood Marco, a smile on his face, his eyes closed as he tried not to laugh. Both of them were covered in welts and fresh bruises from their practise, but it felt good, and Jean was fine with Marco beating him. Sure, it somewhat beat up his ego, but he felt like, since no one was watching, it didn’t really matter.

“You finished?” Marco called, standing straight and wiping the sweat from his forehead. Jean nodded his head, letting go of the sword and leaning his head back, his hands on his hips. "Well I'll go and put these back and I'll meet you at the tavern, alright?"

"Yeah, see you soon, Marco." Jean waved as he walked back to his things, using his old shirt to wipe his sweat away, pulling the other on over his head, loosening the strings at the top to cool down. He looked over to see Marco putting the swords away and he couldn't help but let his eyes wander down, and then he turned towards the gate towards the road.

Many people waved and smiled his way, they knew him even though he didn't wear his armor, and it felt kind of nice to be known as one of the youngest knights of the King. The cobblestone street wasn't filled, people were starting to head home, and Jean knew he would be too after he'd had a hearty meal at the tavern he and his frequented. As it was, the old wooden building was just a few more buildings down, a sign swinging above the door, the name worn off from how old it was.

Once inside, a smile split across Jean’s face. His friends were already there, sitting at the larger table, mugs in their hands, their faces showing they’d started drinking a while ago. Jean was about to join them when the door bumped into him, and he turned to see Marco walking through it. The other man blinked and immediately began to apologize.

“God, I didn’t see you there Jean, I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Don’t even worry about it, it’s fine. Let’s just get some drinks and go sit down with the rest of them.” Jean patted Marco’s shoulder, and they both headed towards the counter, calling down the man who owned the place and getting their two mugs filled with ale before they joined their friends at the table.

Eren and Armin were at one end, large smiles on their faces, their cheeks flushed. Mikasa sat next to them, though she stayed quiet, her mug almost untouched in front of her. Jean probably thought that was for the best, the two of them would need someone to get them home. Reiner and Bertolt sat at the other end, Annie talking to them under her breath, which of course everyone else just ignored. They were always scheming, though Jean knew for a fact they were only talking about the upcoming tournament and how they could possibly cheat their way through it.

Jean and Marco took seats in the middle next to each other, and the first thing that Jean did was take a large gulp of his drink, sighing in relief afterwards. He looked towards Marco, who was just in turn staring back at him.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Marco quickly looked to his mug, and Jean raised an eyebrow, watching his friend’s reaction. He also couldn’t help but notice the new freckles that had seemed to sprout all over his face from their training session.

“It seems the sun loves you. It’s left you a million tiny kisses,” Jean laughed, taking another drink as he saw Marco blush more. He knew the other man didn’t like his freckles, but JEan couldn’t help but poke him about it. They were cute, if he could say that in a manly non-romantic way, which he thought about it, and he really couldn’t. Shoving that thought away, Jean just patted his friend on the back.

“We’ll rest the next two days, how about that? Make sure we didn’t get sunburned, and we can get ready for the tournament to see who gets to guard the king the next year. It’ll be us for sure.”

“I don’t know, I mean, Eren and Mikasa have been working pretty hard, and as Armin is the king’s advisor… well they might just have more favor.”

“They might have more favor, but this isn’t something determined by that. The two chosen are those who win, to those who overcome everyone else and are the best knights within the city! It’ll definitely be us,” Jean smiled, just thinking about being able to guard the king, and he truly couldn’t wait for the tournament to start just so he could beat everyone and show Marco how good a knight he was.

“You’re right, but still,” Marco took another drink, sighing and pushing his mug away after he’d finished.

“There’s no ‘but still’. We don’t have a chance if you think like that. We’ll win, Marco.” Jean elbowed his friend in the chest, drinking the rest of the ale that sat in his cup, slamming his mug down and smiling, putting his hands behind his head.

“You look confident for someone who can barely disarm Armin,” Eren’s voice came from the end of the table, and Jean frowned at him.

“What’re you talking about? I can take out anywhere in this tavern. I’d show you, but I don’t want to get injured prematurely.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re gonna be walking funny the day of the tourney anyways. I mean, what else do you and Marco get up to in your room?” Eren winked and laughed.

Jean ground his teeth and stood from the table. “We were assigned the same room, that’s it. That’s like saying that you and Armin stay up all night fucking. Come on Marco, we-” he stopped as he thought about what he was about to say. He’d been about to propose they take a bath, to wash off more of the grime from the training field, but that would only worsen his place.

“I never said we didn’t,” Eren quickly replied, a smirk on his face. Next to him Armin bit his lip, not looking at anyone else, just staring at his cup. Jean rolled his eyes, taking his mug of ale from the table.

“Come on Marco,” he said, and Marco rose after him, joining him as they left the tavern.

The two had had better nights in the tavern before, like the few times they actually did have sparring matches outside the place to show who was tougher. Jean himself had been able to one up Eren a couple times, but mostly Annie or Mikasa had flipped him onto his back, and he didn’t have time for that right now. They had a tourney in a couple days, and he needed to be well rested for that, and not to mention that he still had duty in the mornings the next two days.

“Don’t take it personally. Eren’s always like that when he’s drunk. I’m sure he’s just tired and needed something funny to cheer him up.” Marco kept in step with Jean, his hands behind his back.

“He was smiling like an idiot before we’d even sat down. I don’t think he needed something to lift him up. I mean… do people really think that about us?”

“I don’t know. I mean, it’s not like it hasn’t happened before between some knights. I guess they just see our friendship weirdly.”

“That’s stupid.” Jean stopped talking at that, walking into the castle and back towards where the knights slept.

The castle was large, large enough to fit in not only the knights and all the servants that worked there, but also many of the lords and ladies when they visited for celebrations or on business, much like they would for the tourney. The two of them walked silently through the halls, other knights and guards were walking there as well, though in their armor, as their shifts went into the night.

Marco and Jean finally made it to their room, which stood on the second floor of the portion of the castle that held the servants and knights. They had a small window, and their beds were both pushed up against each side of the room. Their armor on stands in the back, and large chests in front of their beds that held their belongings.

“I think we should go take baths. I can smell you from here.” Marco chuckled a bit after he said it, and Jean just nodded, a smile growing on his face as his did.

“Yeah, let’s get going, and let’s make it quick too, we’ve got early shifts tomorrow morning again.” Jean and Marco then left their room, towels in their hands as they took the closest stairwell down, and walked towards the baths.

Huge communal baths were offered to the servants, which usually meant that by this point everyone had seen everyone else naked, so there was no longer any embarrassment at a naked comrade. Jean and Marco took their clothes off almost right next to each other, not caring about the other seeing them, and they both slowly dipped into the warm baths.

Jean sighed, his eyes closing as he lowered himself until the water was almost at his chin. Marco handed him a bar of soap soon after, and they both got to scrubbing their skin clean. He couldn’t help but think about what Eren had said though. Did he and Marco really come off as being a couple? There was some attraction, he couldn’t deny that, but he never thought something would ever come of it. He and Marco were friends, and he was okay with that. Was he?

Now that he thought back to it, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d bedded someone, certainly before he joined the knights, and certainly before he’d met Marco. But that couldn’t mean anything. They were friends, nothing more… right?

“Calm down, Jean. You’re gonna wash all your skin off,” Marco’s voice edged into his mind, and he blinked before he turned to see Marco right next to him, already all clean, and smelling it too.

“Sorry.”

“What were you thinking about anyways?” Marco then moved to get out of the tub, and Jean couldn’t stop his eyes from wandering. He’d seen his friend naked plenty of times before, now shouldn’t be any different. Except it was. Marco wasn’t small, if anything, he might’ve been bigger than Jean, and he didn’t know what to do about that. He tore his head away as Marco began to get his clothes back on, and he got out of the bath too.

“Just the regular stuff. Shifts and crap, you know.” Jean dried his arms and legs, rubbing his hair with the towel before grabbing his own clothes and pulling them on.

“Right, well, let’s get back to the room and get some sleep.”

“You know, we didn’t eat dinner,” Jean brought up, his stomach grumbling as he pulled his shirt on.

“I can go and pick something up for us from the kitchens. I’ll meet you back in the room then,” Marco smiled and waved as he left. Jean waved back, his face mirroring his. As soon as Marco was out of earshot Jean groaned.

“Shit.”

Jean walked back to the room, his and Marco’s wet towels in his hands, and all he could think about was how he definitely had more than friendly feelings for his roommate. He hung his and Marco’s towel over the small stand they had for hats and things. They didn’t own any hats.

He didn’t know what to do. He could tell Marco that he sort of maybe kind of really like his dick, how he really liked the way Marco always tried to make him happy, the way he smiled, how much he loved when he laughed, how his freckles just seemed to make him cuter, and, well, the list really went on and on and Jean didn't know that he thought about it. What the fuck had he been doing? Jean didn’t know when he’d fallen in love with the guy, but that was the only possible explanation with how he was feeling.

Marco walked into the room, a small woven basket in his hands. He smiled and sat down on his bed, and Jean sat up in his.

“I was able to get some ham, bread, and cheese. Here’s yours.” Marco picked up a cloth napkin and tossed it to Jean, who caught and unfolded it to find three large pieces of ham, two slices of bread, and a few squares of cheese.

“Nice catch.” Jean began to eat, and so did Marco, the two staying quiet until they both reached for the water skin on the nightstand and their hands touched. Jean’s face exploded, turning as red as a tomato.

“Sorry,” he spluttered, pushing the waterskin towards Marco. The other man picked it and took a few gulps before handing it over to Jean.

“You know, maybe if you acted less embarrassed to be seen with me people wouldn’t see us as a couple,” Marco took another bite of his bread, and Jean barely kept down his mouthful of water.

“W-what?”

“You’re kinda obvious. I thought you would have moved a lot earlier. I didn’t think it would take Eren making a joke about us to prompt you.” Marco just continued eating, like what he said was no big deal, and Jean had no clue how to handle it.

“What’re you saying?”

“I’m saying, that we could have been fucking for a while now. I mean, I saw how you looked at me when I got out of the bath, and I know you don’t just like my body,” the way Marco said it, it seemed as if Jean had been a fool this whole time for not moving, for not saying something.

“Well, well you could have said something!”

“I didn’t think I would need to. I was fine with being friends,” Marco finished up his food, and Jean handed him the waterskin again.

“I- wait. You’re not fine with being friends anymore?” Jean placed his napkin down in his lap, looking at Marco as he finished off the rest of the water.

“Not really.” Marco’s face stayed the same as it had been, quite serious and Jean didn’t know what to do about it. “I mean. I really like you. I’ve really liked you for a while.”

“You have? I-I mean, yeah. I’ve liked you for a while too.”

“Well, then maybe we should do something tonight,” Marco smiled at Jean as he said it, and Jean couldn’t help but blush more as Marco moved over to sit next to him on his bed.

Two days later, Jean and Marco both decided that they probably shouldn’t take place in the tourney.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I don't feel excellent about this, especially since its the first fic I've written in months, and it's the first for snk, and I don't feel as though I had a good handle on the characterization, but it's for Joni, and I needed to do something for her 17th birthday, so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JONI I LOVE YOU A LOT.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and Marco begin looking for a house, and get back to the castle to have some recreational time.

About two months later, Jean and Marco still lived in the small cramped room in the back of the castle. That didn’t mean they weren’t looking for a house somewhere else. They’d been dating, or whatever they called it, since the last tourney, which, after them both deciding they were too sore to compete, had been alright. Eren and Mikasa had won, and now the little brat, though he was the same age as the rest of them, stood next to the king’s throne every day. Well, queen now. Historia had taken the throne not long after the tourney, and she trusted both of them enough to keep them as her own guards.

Jean and Marco were still just knights, taking their shifts, though now they usually took rounds during midday, though for no particular reason. They were also both looking for different jobs, something other than being knights, and that was what the two of them were doing that morning.

Jobs were scarce though, what with more and more people flooding into the capital since the regime change, and so it was becoming a challenge to find anything that could possibly pay as much as their jobs did now. Jean knew how to make shoes, and he wasn’t that bad at sewing, no matter how much he denied it, and Marco was quite good at bookkeeping, so he could always assist those at the castle still. But the one thing they wanted more than anything was a house to themselves.

“Jean, do you think this would do?” The two of them were standing outside the city walls, staring at a small house that happened to also have a lot of land. The current owners were looking to move into the city, and they were looking to move out, so it almost fit perfectly.

“I don’t know. I mean, it would be a good walk to the castle from here. If you work there still it might not be a good idea.”

“Well then what do you propose we do?” Marco turned his head towards Jean, and the other man just scratched the back of his neck.

“I don’t know. They had enough land where we could grow some crops, or raise some animals… Ever thought of owning a farm?” Jean had never thought about, he never thought he would need to think about it, but now, as the situation presented itself, he kind of wanted to go through and do that. Sure, it meant early mornings and late nights, but he would be able to just slink under the blankets and curl up with Marco after a bad day, and right now that seemed the best part of the bargain.

“We’d have to save up more money to buy animals and some seeds, which means a few more months in the castle. Do you want to do it?” Marco’s lips slowly formed a smile, and Jean couldn’t help but smile back.

“Yeah, let’s do it.” Jean leaned towards him and pressed their lips together lightly, though Marco moved his hand behind Jean’s neck, pulling him closer before letting go.

“Then let’s get back to the castle,” Marco  whispered and he pulled on Jean’s hand as he began back towards the wall, heading towards where their horses waited for them. They both mounted, and started towards the gate.

The city had grown larger in the last two months. More people were working on the walls to expand them, though that was hard enough to do as it was. All the extra people who had moved could get jobs doing that, but not many wanted to when there was a possibility of getting crushed by stone. Jean and Marco were some of the few people who had horses as they took them down the road, children eyeing them sa they looked from the alleys, or adults wondering why there were rich people there, as horses were definitely a sign of status, unless you were a farmer, where it was easy to obtain one.

“They keep looking at us,” Jean muttered, leaning his head towards Marco. Marco chuckled and nodded his head.

“You never used to care about that before.”

“Yeah, well, a lot has changed from before. I mean, we didn’t use to be.. you know, together.”

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” Marco brought his horse closer, and leaned over the side, pulling Jean’s shin towards him to press his lips against his, a force behind it that left Jean almost dizzy. When Marco leaned back, moving his horse a safer distance away, Jean couldn’t say he didn’t want more, now lightheaded and noticing that they weren’t alone in the streets. Marco had just kissed him in public, for the first time.

“Shit, Marco, why’d you do that?”

“I didn’t think it was a secret that I loved you,” Marco said, eyeing him from the side of his eyes. Jean rubbed his hand over his face, though returned it to the reins hurriedly to keep his place atop the horse and not fall off. Sure, he loved Marco too, they’d already told each other that dozens of times within the last two weeks, but they’d never really publically showed affection. Jean didn’t know how he felt about it, but his stomach started to tie itself into knots, and he didn’t know what to think of that.

“Jean?”

“I’m fine. I’m just hungry. Let’s get back to the castle and get some dinner. Annie’s probably mad we skipped out on our duty today.”

“We didn’t. We got the day off, remember?” Marco smiled, keeping his face forward, and Jean swallowed as the rays of the setting sun made his skin glisten with the heat from the day. His freckles just stood out more, dark against his tan skin, and Jean knew he was in for it. Whatever had he done to deserve this?

“Yeah, I remember,” Jean mumbled, sighing before they both moved their horses to fasten the pace to get to the castle sooner.

They got back to their rooms not a half hour later, their hands filled with food from the tavern they’d been to so often. They sat at the small table they were able to fit within their room, as their beds were now pressed together against one wall. They brought up their new waterskins, as they’d been gifted to them by Queen Historia once she’d been crowned. She’d given the knights a lot more things. They’d all gotten new armor, and the rest was set to be used for the trainees, which they’d never gotten when they’d been working up to knighthood.

“We should take baths later. It’s been a good few days,” Jean said over a mouthful of food. Marco nodded, taking a swig of the water before continuing with his meal.

“Yeah, maybe we should go a bit later, when there isn’t anyone there,” Marco’s voice got quieter, and Jean almost spit his food out, his face growing hot.

“Y-yeah, we’ll go when there’s no one there.” The two of them stayed quiet after that, finishing their meal, and shifting awkwardly in their seats. They waited until an hour after the sun set to walk down to the baths, though Jean walked slowly, almost in pain from how much Marco had affected him.

When they arrived in the bathhouse it was empty, not a soul in sight. Jean couldn’t help but smile, and he quickly walked over to the nearest bath and began taking his clothes off. He could hear Marco chuckling behind him, so he turned to see Marco taking off his clothes as well.

“What?”

“You’re not excited at all are you?” Marco smiled and placed his clothes in a pile by the edge, dipping his foot in before letting himself down, Jean unable to take his eyes off of him the entire way. He quickly joined him, letting the warm water wash over him. Marco moved to the opposite side, sitting on the small outcrop of stone meant for sitting. His hand went under the water, and Jean watched as much as he could through the wavering surface.

“Don’t just sit there, c-come here and help me," Marco panted, biting his lip afterwards. Jean didn't ask twice, and he hurried over there, not caring about the wash sloshing around, taking Marco's hand from where it rested beneath him, and replacing it with his own.

Marco wasn’t exactly tight anymore, not as tight as the first time Jean had fucked him into his mattress, but he was still tight enough to where Jean needed to stretch him out a bit more before they did anything. He pressed two fingers into him, slowly separating them, watching as Marco closed his eyes, his mouth open slightly, his breathing beginning to go uneven as Jean moved his fingers more. He kissed his first moan up, not letting it escape him, pressing his fingers in further, and soon enough addings a third. Marco bit his lip, and Jean couldn’t help but smile.

“You’re still so tight, I’m not gonna be able to do anything if you stay so tense,” Jean mumbled, kissing Marco’s cheek as he pushed his fingers in further, the other man gasping as he did. “Loosen up, Bodt,” he whispered into his mouth, kissing it after, his tongue smoothing over his teeth.

Miraculously, Marco began to loosen up, and his legs began to spread apart, his cock bumping into Jean’s arm, and he couldn’t help but smile. Jean kissed Marco again before he pulled out his hand, lining himself up and gently pressing in, stopping at any prompting Marco gave.

“J-just, just fuck me already Jean. Come on,” Marco managed,, his ankles hooking onto his legs. Jean smiled and kissed him, deepening it, his hands going to rest on the stone behind Marco’s head. With that, he began to pull out, thrust back in. Marco moaned into his neck, his arms wrapped around Jean’s back, almost scratching into it.

“You can take it, right Marco?” God knows Jean hoped he could, because Jean didn’t think his cock had ever felt so good, Marco so tight around him, still trying to loosen himself enough to fit him.

“Y-yeah. Just, just go faster.” Marco began moving his own hips, pushing back onto Jean’s cock as much as he could, and Jean began thrusting again.

The slosh of the water around them made it hard to hear anything but each other's breathing and their muttering of curse words or encouragement. So when Marco froze, Jean turned his head to see Connie, one of the queen’s pages, staring at them, eyes wide with terror. The small man almost fell over trying to run out, slamming the door behind himself.

“J-Jean, we need to st-stop. He saw us, anyone c-could see us,” Marco panted. Jean sighed, staying where he was, half inside of the man under him.

“Do you really want me to? I mean, we’re not finished,” Jean leaned closer as he spoke, kissing Marco thoroughly. Marco began to nod, but Jean pushed in more and he shook his head quick enough to make Jean laugh.

“Just.. just hurry up then,” Marco breathed, and Jean chuckled , pulling out and thrusting back in. Marco moaned again, and Jean was sure he was leaving scratch marks on his back, but he just kept going, moving one hand to Marco’s dick, pumping it in time with his thrusts. Jean only thrust faster, harder as he continued, closing his own eyes and letting his mouth hang open, the two of them sharing breaths as they felt each other.

It didn’t take long until Marco was coming, his face dug into Jean’s neck, his hands gripping his back as he tightened around him. Jean gasped, coming soon after. Jean slowly opened his eyes, looking at out spent Marco was, his eyes closed as he caught his breath. Jean slowly pulled out, Marco wincing as he did.

“We should wash.. and get back to our room,” Marco suggested, stifling a yawn before he stood up. Jean nodded, but pulled the man in front of him closer, kissing him fiercely before he pushed himself over to the edge.

“We should also change baths. This one isn’t exactly clean anymore.” Jean motioned to where they had been, and Marco’s face turned red.

“We shouldn’t have done that. God, how did I even think of asking that of you?” He seemed to be talking more to himself than anything, and Jean just sighed, moving back towards him and placing his hands on Marco’s back, rubbing into them.

“Don’t even worry about it. I’m sure we’re not the first to have done this. Let’s just hurry and get back to bed, okay?” Jean kissed Marco’s neck, resting his head on his shoulder until he nodded.

The two quickly washed, and darted out of the bathhouse and towards the stairs. They were down the hallway where their room was when someone called their names.

“Marco, Jean! I heard you guys were having some swimming lessons! I didn’t know you could swim with something that far up your ass!” It was Eren, drunk again most likely, at least Jean liked to think so. He didn’t know what Eren had become such a jerk, though being named as the queen’s guards was of course part of it.

Marco just continued towards their room, entering the door without saying another word, but Jean stopped where he stood, and turned back to look at him.

“Oh, you should know. I’m pretty sure I’ve caught you and Armin practising it before,” Jean sneered, and to act more like a kid, he flipped him off before following Marco into their bedroom. Jean could not think of a better reason to leave the castle than to get away from people who obviously didn’t care about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I didn't know I would be continuing this, but Joni said I should, so I did. I have no idea how long this thing will end up being, or when I will have updates posted, but it will continue until I say it ends I guess. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Queen's Armed Forces have returned, and their Lord Commander is injured in a way that he can not continue on the battle field, so he names the new Lord Commander, picking from the group of knights chosen to guard the castle.

The bells went off early the next morning, and as soon as the first ring reverberated through the knights hall, Marco and Jean were out of bed, getting their armor on and putting their swords in their sheaths. They hurried out of their room, running as fast as they could with at least twenty pounds of armor on, and made their way towards the courtyard in the middle of the castle grounds.

The rest of the knights stood waiting there, in lines as sharp as a needle, and Marco and Jean joined them, standing side by side and waiting for their orders. It was only when they saw the people entering the courtyard that Jean realized something horrible had happened. There were several carts, some filled with bags that he knew carried the bodies of his friends, and then there was a cart that some people sat in, their heads and arms wrapped in bandages. One of the people in the cart was Commander of the Armed Forces, Erwin Smith.

His face looked ragged, unlike his usual pristine appearance. His hair looked longer and dishselved, and there seemed to be an empty space where his right arm had been. No one talked as they moved through towards the infirmary, and the other knights just watched in front of them, not daring to let their eyes linger on what had been lost.

Second in command of the Armed forces was Levi Heichou, and he rode a horse in the back of the group, his face grim and serious. Jean began to sweat. What could have happened to warrant so many people dying and getting injured? There wasn’t an open war between any of the gates or even the people that lived outside the safety of the Wall. Who could have done this? He glanced over at Marco, who had sweat on his brow, and kept adjusting the helmet that lay under his arm.

“Knights of the Queen. As you have seen, Our Lord Commander, Erwin Smith, has been injured in battle. As you know, loss of any limb warrants him being removed from his place. He will act as the advisor to the one person who will be chosen to replace him. That person will be one of you, minus the queen’s chosen guards. She will chose one of you later today to replace him. And you will be informed on what has taken place after the new Lord Commander has deemed things necessary for public knowledge. You may return to your posts,” Levi’s voice roared over the knights, and Jean could not believe what had happened.

After Levi left with the last of the people returning from whatever hell they had experienced, the knights erupted into talk, forming their own groups of friends they knew within them. Jean and Marco stood still, though soon people came over to them. Reiner and Bertholdt came over, though they said nothing, just standing in a small square, all their faces grave.

“Who do you think Commander Erwin will pick?” Marco suddenly asked, looking between all of them. Reiner and Bertholdt exchanged glances, and the first sighed.

“I think he’ll chose someone worthy, I know that. But I think he’s going to chose someone who he knows can lead in situations like this. I know he could keep going as Lord Commander himself, but the law forbids it,” Reiner shrugged his shoulders as he talked, his hands moving to his hips. Marco nodded, biting his lip before sighing and looking up to the sky.

“I hope he chooses the right person.”

“We depend on it,” Bertholdt spoke up, and every faced him, but he stayed quiet after that. Slowly the other knights returned to their rooms, or stood around, waiting for their shifts of duty to start, which was what Jean and Marco did. They stayed by the armory, where they usually guarded.

They didn’t talk for the whole of their shift, not even during the small amount of time they were given to eat. There wasn’t really anything to guard that deep within the castle, but they stayed true to their jobs, and when the bell rang again to call the knights back into the courtyard, they did that obediently, again standing next to each other as a group of people stood above them on some crates. Lord Commander Erwin stood there, his hair neat now, and freshly shaved and clean, but his eyes didn’t look the same. Before, he had just seemed serious, not empty.

Levi stood next to him, over a head shorter, his hands behind his back, his bloody uniform still on. There were a few other officers up there, but people only watched the Lord Commander. He took a shaky step forward and coughed before he began to speak.

“I have reviewed every one of you to decide who should command Queen Historia’s army. I looked for someone who could handle the situation, who could make decisions at the blink of an eye and it not turn out horrible. I choose, to replace me as Lord Commander of the Queen’s Armed Forces, Jean Kirschtein.”

Every stayed silent, and Jean stood still, unable to move his body, unable to move his eyes from Erwin, who stared straight at him, his eyes fierce and violent, as though he still fought for something in the middle of a peaceful place. Heads turned towards him, but Marco’s didn’t. Voices began to sound, telling him to walk up to the place where the rest of the officers stood. Soon they began to push him, and that’s when he started to move. He didn’t glance Marco’s way, he just walked up and took the steps to stand beside Erwin, who nodded his head and held out his left hand. Jean shook it, and Erwin prolonged the shake, keeping his hand in a fierce grip.

“You’re to protect everyone now. You won’t be alone, but you will be cut off from everyone in order to keep Westgate safe. Jean Kirschtein, good luck,” Erwin finished loudly, the beginning on heard by him and Levi who stood almost behind him. Jean nodded his head, his eyes beginning to sting. He turned towards the group of knights, his helmet still under his arm, and he nodded towards them as well.

“I’ll do my best to protect us, and the Queen.” Jean stared straight at Marco as he voiced his claim, unable to see how much he was crying.

After that, everyone dispersed, many of them patting Jean on the back, wishing him good luck, hoping that he would do the former Lord Commander proud. He was told by the other officers that he was to take his things and report to the stables, where they would take his things to an estate just outside the castle walls. He was getting his own house, without having to pay for it. It was almost a dream come true, minus the responsibility of thousands of people.

He walked back to the hall of knights, taking the stairs up to the room he shared with Marco, and walked in to see it empty. Marco’s things were gone, and everything that he could carry was already stacked in a neat pile. His chest was already moved apparently. Jean closed the door behind him, and he turned to see Connie in front of him, the other man fidgeting with his shirt and belt.

“I should have told you,” Connie began and Jean stopped him.

“You couldn’t have told me Connie, you weren’t there.”

“I was! I was the page taken as a messenger should anything go wrong. I came back last night from the battlefield to tell the queen and the other lords and ladies that something happened. Erwin.. he was talking about it after he’d been injured, about how he needed to choose someone. He.. He asked me to tell him about the people I thought had certain qualities. He asked more about you afterward, and I should have been able to tell you,” Connie’s breath ran out, and Jean closed his eyes.

“You can’t change it now. Just go, I need to see to some things.” Jean walked passed him, and headed towards the stables.

What waited for him there was his horse, and a stable boy telling him how to get there, and that his things had already been moved. He nodded his head in thanks, and rode towards his new home.

The estate was a large stone house, with steps that led to the double doors made from oak, carved with the insignia of the army. He could hear a commotion behind the doors, so when he opened the door to see Levi arguing with Head Scientist Hanji. They stopped when they saw him, and Hanji left with a quick smile and a wave.

“Erwin and I will be staying here with you, to help more with our efforts. Your things are moved into the room up there,” Levi pointed to a room right in front of the stairs, and Jean nodded. He headed upstairs, his mind clouded to everything that could possibly distract him from this new duty that had been thrusted upon him.

Upon entering the room, the only thing Jean could really think about it was that it seemed a bit empty. The first chamber of his new rooms was a meeting room of sorts, with a large desk and several chairs around it. There was a door behind it that he guessed led to his bedroom, and he was right. It seemed emptier than the first part. He placed his things on his chest that had been brought over, and sat down on the bed that was much too big for one person. Jean didn’t exactly know what to think about being named the new Lord Commander, truthfully, he hadn’t actually thought of it until that moment. He hadn’t let the full weight of what had happened hit him, but it did now.

Erwin Smith, the last Lord Commander, had lost an arm. Was Jean prepared to give his life for people he didn’t know? He began to breathe erratically, his hands squeezing his knees as he tried to focus, as he tried to overcome that his decisions would get people killed no matter what they were. That was the duty of the Lord Commander, to make the lesser sacrifice. Jean closed his eyes, and didn’t hear as the door opened.

“Jean?” Marco was poking through the door, his body hidden by the mass of wood. Jean raised his head, his breathing becoming calm, and he stood, swallowing before he walked forward. He pulled Marco into the bedroom, closing the door, and then pushed Marco’s back against it, crushing their lips together, fisting his hands into his shirt.

Marco made a surprised noise, but kept on with him, holding him gently, trying not to return all the force Jean was using. When they let up for air, Jean only paused for a breath, pushing his leg in between Marco’s and leaning more on him while he pushed against him again.

“J-Jean? What’re you doing?” Marco’s voice didn’t quite make sense in Jean’s clouded mind, but soon enough Marco was pushing him away, and Jean let him. He looked at him, and blinked, his hands running through his hair and stopping on the top of his head.

“What the fuck am I supposed to do Marco? I can’t just tell them I don’t want the job, that I was looking at leaving and I don’t want to serve the Queen like this.” Jean didn’t know what to do now. He’d been so close to achieving the one thing he thought could make him really happy: living a quiet life with Marco, with death not by anything too violent. He couldn’t back out now, not when he’d already accepted the position from Erwin, not when the man who chose him had just lost an arm not a few days ago, and was still likely to be going through who knew how many problems.

“I don’t know. What I do know, is that they said I could stay with you at night, that we can share a bed. But you’re my superior now, so I don’t know how much we’ll see each other.” Marco walked back over, a sad smile on his face as he brought Jean’s arms down, holding his hands in his own.

“That’s better than nothing, I guess,” Jean mumbled, sighing afterward. He looked back up to Marco, who continued to smile at him.

“You should go and talk to Levi and Erwin about what happened, so you can help them devise a plan. I heard Armin should be coming over soon to help,” Marco kept talking about what he needed to do, about what Jean would need to do now that he wasn’t just a regular knight in the castle guard.

“I can’t lead them, Marco. I’m not strong enough.”

“I’ll give you that, you’re not strong enough.”

“What the hell?”

“Hear me out. You can understand the everyday soldier more than Erwin did, he went almost from basic training to the position he held. You were a knight for a few years, you know who you’re dealing with. You know what the people need to help them to push on. Not only that, but you’re smarter than you think. I think you’ll be able to come up with a plan to take care of all of this,” Marco finished and leaned to kiss Jean’s cheek.

“I guess,” was all Jean could say in reply, and he kissed Marco properly before he let go of his hands. “I should probably go talk to them. You should go and return to the castle and help where you can. Make sure you get your things here too, I’m looking forward to tonight.”

“We aren’t going to do anything tonight other than sleeping. I’ll see you later, Jean.” Marco smiled again and walked out of the room, leaving Jean to watch after him, and wonder how he would start off his new placement.

 

* * *

 

Marco walked out of the estate, and he took a shaky breath, his hands moving to his hips as he looked to the sky. There wasn’t anyone else in sight, as no one else had a reason to be visiting the new Lord Commander, and Marco was thankful for that, because that way no one could see the tears streaming down his face. The only thing Marco could really think of right then was how he was going to have Jean torn from him before they even got to live a life together, and he couldn’t do anything about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This thing is going to be filled with angst, I'm gonna tell you that right now. I'm changing the warnings to say Major Character Death, though whether or not it really happens in the end I don't know. It all depends on how this goes. Thank you for reading!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annie Leonhardt, Captain of the Castle Guards, brings news to Lord Commander Jean about the reinforcements meant for Northgate, where the population of enemies is the highest.

An entire month after Jean had been named new Lord Commander, he was used to people saluting to him. It got annoying at the beginning, especially because whenever he passed Marco in public and couldn’t stay with him, Marco was obligated to do the same. So every time Jean walked through the ranks of the knights, whether just on the way to someplace else, or helping with training, as soon as he appeared they all placed their fists on their hearts. By now, the thump of people hitting their chests hard for him sounded normal, and he didn’t like that.

The past month hadn’t been easy in any respect. Jean had learned what had really happened outside the Wall of Westgate, and it frightened him. Monsters, the size of houses, were terrorizing the lands within the different gates of humanity. They’d never been seen before, but already Hanji had deciphered how to take them down. It wasn’t hard, as the monsters’ movements weren’t coordinated, and were almost always slow, so the only thing that the knights had to do, is get high enough to cut into the nape of their neck. Jean had already heard gruesome stories about how they grew limbs back, and even their head if cut off, and he was almost sick at the latter. He wasn’t allowed to be though, Lord Commander of Queen Historia’s Armed Forces was supposed to be a pillar of strength, someone that the people and soldiers could all rely on. Jean only wished someone could be his pillar of strength.

The only person that really came close to that was Marco, and Jean rarely ever saw him anymore except at night and in the early mornings before he left. It wasn’t like they had time to have any kind of sex either, Jean was almost always wiped out and barely conscious when Marco would wrap his arms around him and kiss his neck. And in the mornings Marco had to leave early, his shifts had been changed again, and Jean wanted to know what he had to do to change that. Unfortunately, after nonchalantly asking Levi, he found out that shifts were assigned by the Commander of the Castle Guard, who happened to be Annie Leonhardt, who was in the know about what was to come.

One morning, Jean sat in the chamber in front of his room, still in his bedclothes, but working as hard as anything. A pile of papers laid on his desk, most of them examples of strategies Erwin had used in certain situations, and he was studying them, trying to find out which one would be best to use. He didn’t hear someone knock on his door, so when Annie walked in, her helmet under her arm, Jean almost leapt from his seat.

“Wait! Go back out!” Jean shouted, running back into the bedroom. He hadn’t thought anyone would bother him until much later, but it seemed as though Levi must have thought it was time for him to start working. Annie did as she was told, and Jean hurriedly got dressed in the new clothes that Levi had replaced his old ones with. It was a real pain in the ass, literally, to sit around all day in clothes he didn’t chose, especially because they all seemed to have the Armed Forces insignia above his heart, and he hated it. He didn’t have a choice now though, she he finished dressing and walked back into the outer chamber and opened the door to let Annie in.

“Sorry, I didn’t expect anyone this morning,” Jean told her, and Annie didn’t respond, just taking one of the seats in front of the desk. Jean took his behind it and sighed, looking up at her over the big slab of wood, wondering why she was there.

“I’m here to tell you that Marco Bodt is being transferred to Northgate along with a fifth of our knights,” Annie told him like it was nothing, as though she were moving chess pieces around.

“You shouldn’t be able to do that. In order to do that… You have to have my permission! That’s an act for the Lord Commander of the Armed Forces, you are only in control of the people within the castle grounds, and nowhere else!”

“I already asked Levi, and I went to him because your emotional attachment would have clouded your judgment, and he agreed. Marco is his group leader, and so he needs to be with his men, like you need to be with your people. The orders have been sent out, and he leaves in two days. Until then, he has time off. I suggest you spend that time wisely. He’ll probably come around here after lunchtime.” Annie left after she finished relaying the news, and Jean stayed in his seat, his hand on his forehead as he thought about what this would mean. Marco was leaving. Not only did Jean barely get to spend time with him now, but he wouldn’t even be able to sleep next to him while he was gone.

Jean stood from his desk, his face void of emotion. He had work to do this morning, and he couldn’t possibly think about Marco leaving just yet. He picked up his papers and stacked them neatly before leaving his room, heading for the small meeting room he usually talked to Erwin and Levi in. They weren’t there when he arrived, and the room was dark and cold, no fire in the hearth on the opposite end of the room. He sighed, and started walking up to where their rooms were.

Jean had never been inside their rooms, though upon entering the first door, he supposed it was structured almost exactly like his, a waiting room and them a bedroom. There were a few candles lit, but otherwise it was dark, no windows to speak of. Levi was sitting at the desk, a pen in his hand as he wrote something.

“Erwin will not be leaving his room today,” he simply stated, and Jean nodded, but sat down at the desk in front of Levi anyways. This wasn’t the first time Erwin had had a bad day, and he would only ever see Levi when he did.

“I still need to know what the fuck is going on with a fifth of the castle knights leaving for Northgate,” Jean had tried to put it nicely, he really had.

“It’s simply really. We have a surplus of soldiers, and the titans are nearing the north. With their numbers they’ll all die, and so we’re sending reinforcements from the south to surround them. They’ll be stationed in Northgate until we’ve got this finished. We can’t have this sort of thing happening within the Wall, Jean. You know that.”

“But why Marco? Did it really have to be him? You could have sent Reiner and Bertholdt and their group.”

“Bertholdt is in Marco’s group.”

“Whatever! You still could have sent another group!” Jean stood from his seat, shouting now, and Levi shot him a death glare before returning to his letter.

“Sit back down, now. And don’t shout again or else. You’re still ten years my junior, and I can still beat the shit out of you.” Levi didn’t look at him while he said that, just continuing the letter in front of him.

“How… what if Marco dies? What if they all die? How did Erwin even deal with all this?” It seemed as though it wasn’t so much the fact that he would lose so many people no matter what he did, but the fact that he could lose Marco.

“You can create a list, like Erwin.”

“What list?” Jean raised an eyebrow, wondering what Levi could possibly be talking about.

“A list of all the people that have died under your orders. Erwin has a list longer than you’ll ever get, and he deals with that every day. Those people will die under your orders, but you need to realize that they are being useful, that they are helping save the majority.” Levi stopped writing, staring straight at Jean. He gulped and closed his eyes, gripping his pants.

“What if… What if Marco dies?”

“Add him to the list too.”

“What?!” Jean’s head shot up, and Levi still looked at him, his face calm, his eyes serious.

“Erwin prayed he would never see the day that I was added to his, and so you can do the same for Marco. Now, I’ve got to finish this letter, and I’ll help you with strategies afterwards. Please leave,” Levi waved his hand away as he spoke, and picked up his pen again, getting back to his writing. Jean stood from his seat and took his things, leaving the chamber and closing the door behind him.

The house he’d lived in for a month now was big, it was huge, and only four people lived in it. Two of which were experiencing copious amounts of trauma, no matter what they said, and two of which who didn’t know what to do about anything. He sighed and looked around the large foyer, wondering what he would do until Marco came.

Jean placed his things in his room, and put on some proper shoes before he headed outside of the house. One of the few things it came with was a small pond and garden, where he’d only been once before. It was a bright day, only a few clouds were going over the sky, and there was a stone bench beneath a tree that he could sit on, so he did. No one would come looking for him there, at least he had hoped so.

Jean heard footsteps coming from behind him, and he only sighed and closed his eyes, leaning back on the tree. He heard whoever it was sit down next to him, and he almost opened his eyes to see who it was.

“So, I guess you heard that I’m leaving?” Marco’s voice was soft, and Jean’s eyes shot open to see the man next to him in regular clothes. He immediately wrapped his arms around him, kissing his neck and laying his head on his shoulder.

“Don’t remind me. I didn’t know until this morning.”

“What? I’ve known for a couple days now, I thought… I thought you were the one that gave the order,” Marco’s voice sounded hurt, and Jean wanted to stab Annie in the back for it.

“No, no. It was Levi. I would never do that to you,” Jean mumbled into his shirt.

“Oh, okay, but I’m still leaving… What are you going to do.. you know, when I’m gone?”

“What’re you thinking? I’m gonna mope about until you come back.” Jean could see Marco smiling, and he moved up to kiss his cheek and finally his lips.

“You shouldn’t do that though. You’re really important, and the whole operation relies on whether or not you can make the right call,” Marco let himself be kissed while he talked, and Jean almost pulled him into his lap, and would have if Marco hadn’t stopped him.

“I know, but I don’t have to worry about that right now.. Let’s get to bed, and we can talk about work stuff after,” Jean kissed him again, feeling him smile as he did.

“Alright,” Marco said against his mouth. Jean smiled and took his hand, both of them quickly heading back into the house and up the stairs to their bedroom.

Jean pushed Marco onto the bed, almost bouncing on top of him as he began unbuttoning his shirt, kissing him fiercely. Marco let Jean take his clothes off, biting his lower lip the entire time Jean focused on kissing some part of his body other than his mouth. After their clothes were discarded, Jean slinked back up to his mouth and kissed into it slowly, holding Marco’s hands out behind his head.

“I’ve missed you so much,” Marco breathed, and Jean nodded, leaning their foreheads against one another.

“Do you wanna…?” Jean began to ask, and Marco hurriedly nodded, leaning up to kiss him again. Jean smiled and moved to the nightstand, bringing out a small bottle of scented oil he’d gotten when he first moved in. He’d expected to be doing this a lot more, but they hadn’t, so it wasn’t even open.

“Go slow, I want to enjoy this,” Marco sighed, feeling as Jean mapped his stomach and legs out with his hands.

“Of course,” Jean chuckled and kissed his stomach before coating his fingers in the oil, and smearing some over Marco’s hole. He teased around the entrance for a split second before pushing one finger in slowly, pulling it out and pushing in at almost a snail’s pace. Marco squirmed around it, not used to having it after so long, but soon began to beg for the second. Jean obliged, pushing in his second finger and slowly beginning to scissor them inside him.

Marco was so tight, and Jean knew that if he managed to get him stretched enough, it would truly be a fuck to remember. Marco let out shallow breaths, hi mouth gaping open, his eyes trying to see exactly what Jean was doing. He moved his hips back and forth with Jean’s fingers, and whined when Jean pulled them out to put a little more oil on them.

“Don’t worry baby, soon enough,” he moved to kiss him, pushing in three fingers as he did and taking the small gasp Marco gave him. He began to move his hand faster, trying not to roll his own hips in time with the rhythm. It wasn’t long after that Marco was beginning him to fuck him, and fuck him hard. Jean nodded and took his fingers out, then coated himself in the oil, spreading it over his dick before he spread Marco’s legs, placing one over his shoulder. He let the tip of his cock tease at Marco’s hole, smiling at how Marco writhed beneath him, wanting him so bad.

“J-Jean! C-Come on,” he whined, and Jean chuckled before kissing him and pushing in, slowly inching forward with his mouth inches above Marco’s.

Jean had thought he would be tight, but what he had thought hadn’t really readied him for reality. They hadn’t fucked for a month, and Jean realized why they hadn’t really taken a break before, and it was exactly because Jean knew it would kill him.

“Fuck Marco, you’re so- you’re so tight,” Jean continued to push in until he had buried himself. Marco shifted under him, getting used to him before he began to move his hips in a slow and steady pace. It stayed like that until Jean thought he would explode from not moving faster, and not the kind of explode he wanted. He began to thrust his hips in sharply, eliciting whimpers from the man beneath him, and he couldn’t help but go faster because of it.

It didn’t take long to find his prostate, and Jean did his damned well best to hit it every time he pushed into him, continuing to fasten his pace until Marco told him to stop.

“W-what?” Jean almost didn’t know what to do, his hands keeping him above Marco, his dick still buried in him.

“I-I want to do this,” Marco breathed. Jean nodded, and slowly pulled out, moving to lie on his back. Marco shimmied and moved to sit above him, and then slowly lowered himself onto Jean’s dick, lowering himself completely. Jean couldn’t help but moan, and Marco smiled, taking Jean’s hands in his and holding them as he began to rock his hips.

They hadn’t tried very many positions before, and this was certainly the first time Marco had ridden him, but damn did Jean wish they’d done it earlier. The pace they’d had before was quickly upon them, and Jean couldn’t stop himself from fucking up into him, meeting the roll of his hips. He didn’t know how he was lasting so long, and soon enough, he came, thrusting his hips up into Marco as he spilled into him.

“Shit,” Jean cursed, letting his hips back down. Marco hadn’t come with him, and he was still tight around his too-sensitive dick, but he didn’t move, just fisting himself until he came over Jean’s stomach, his hole clenching around Jean causing him to almost shout.

“That was, that was amazing,” Jean breathed, his eyes closed as Marco lifted himself off, just collapsing on the bed next to him.

“Yeah,” Marco agreed, a smile on his face. They stayed silent for a few minutes until Marco flipped over onto his stomach, his hand going to brush over Jean’s chest. “Hey, Jean… I have a question.”

“What is it, baby?” Jean moved his head to look at him, and suddenly became worried by the fear in his eyes.

“I was wondering… would you marry me?” Marco stared straight at him as he asked, and Jean almost began to cough. They’d never really talked about getting married before, they never really talked about what would come after buying a new house outside of Westgate, but it seemed that that’s where it would have lead. Jean didn’t say anything though, his mind wracking for what could have possibly brought this on right here, right now.

“Jean?”

“Of course. Of course I’ll marry you. Why would you ever think I wouldn’t?” Jean moved and kissed Marco deeply, holding his neck with one hand, and his hand with the other. Marco melted into his grasp, and sighed in relief, laying his head on his chest.

“It needs to happen tomorrow then. The wedding. I want to get married before I leave.”

“That’s.. That’s so soon Marco, I don’t know if that can happen.” Jean began to panic. Getting married so soon He realized why Marco would want to, but he didn’t know if he was mentally prepared to be married to someone else, even if it was the love of his life. Since when had he begun to think of Marco like that?

“It’s the only time, Jean. We won’t be able to get married for who knows how long if we wait.  Please, Jean. I just want this one thing,” Marco’s voice sounded hurt, as if Jean didn’t agree to this right now, that he wouldn’t be able to face him until he came back.

“Yes, of course. I’ll ask about it, and we can get married tomorrow afternoon, and invite a small group of friends, and then we can spend the night together, alright?” Jean kissed his hair and his forehead, holding him closer. He didn’t know he wanted this too, to be as close as physically possible to the man he love before they were separated for months, possibly years.

They fell asleep like that, and the only thing Jean could dream of was a battlefield, and a list of names that were too blurry to read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this thing is gonna end up being super long, sorry. Also thank you for sticking with this and reading.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and Marco get married, and the next day, he leaves with Annie and the rest of the knights and soliders assigned to travel to Northgate.

It was almost too easy to plan a small wedding, and what was even more special about it, was the fact that Queen Historia herself would be marrying them. It was something of a tradition that her higher ranking officers have that special privilege, and she was more than happy to do it for the both of them.

Almost the whole morning, after making sure they could get married that afternoon, they didn’t see each other at all. Marco was kept in the knights hall, and Jean in his house. Jean picked out his clothes rather easily, but he knew that Marco was getting clothes especially fitted right now, because he hadn’t had the best of clothes before. It felt silly that they couldn’t let Jean see him, they were getting married! This wasn’t some stupid wedding where they had been planning for months; they had literally made the decision just the day before, and Marco was leaving for war the next morning, and Jean was pretty sure he wouldn’t get laid for a long time after that.

The time finally came after Jean had sent out all the invitations he wanted and could on such short notice, and boy was he nervous. He could feel sweat beading on his brow already, and he wasn’t even in the hall where the queen resided. The halls were busy as always, as even a wedding couldn’t postpone the war that seemed to be taking over more and more of the land inside the wall. So it wasn’t like many people congratulated Jean on his way to get married. His friends were all waiting outside the hall, smiling and clapping him on the back and shaking his hand before he entered. They came in behind him, and he walked up to the dais where the queen sat on a large golden throne.

She had blonde hair done up in a bun, and a diadem rested on her head with blue, green, and white crystals. Next to her sat her consort, Ymir, a rather mysterious woman Jean didn’t know much about. Behind the queen and her consort were Eren and Mikasa, standing in their armor, their swords on their hips. After Jean had bowed before the queen he nodded to each of them.

“And where’s the man you’re to be married to?” Historia asked, her face quite plain as she stared up at him.

“He’s coming.” Jean didn’t actually know if he would, and was actually quite scared out of his pants something had happened to make Marco late. A couple minutes later, Jean was pretty sure he showed visible signs of his sweating, and the fact that it was silent throughout the entire hall made it worse.

When the door finally opened, Jean almost broke his neck turning to see who it was. Marco was almost racing down the carpet and tucking in his shirt at the same time, trying to look decent but unable to with how hastily his clothes seemed to have been put on. He stopped in front of Jean, bowing to the queen and then facing him.

“Finally,” Ymir whispered, and Historia shot her a glare before she turned to both of them, standing and taking their hands in hers.

Jean could only look at Marco throughout the whole ceremony. Both of their faces were gleaming with sweat despite the chill outside, but no one seemed to care, so it didn’t matter. Queen Historia went over the vows, and soon enough they were exchanging rings and both choking up their ‘I do’s; then she finally said it.

“You may kiss, to seal this ever binding contract,” she let go of their hands as she said it, and Jean couldn’t contain his smile. He leaned forward at the same time as Marco, and their lips met for the first time as husbands.

Cheering went on in the background as they kissed, and when they separated, they looked to their friends, all cheering them on, all knowing in the back of their minds that Marco may not return from his journey. They feasted after that.

Later that night, the last night Marco was to be there, Jean and him lay in bed, already tired and naked from too much sex, content to just lie with each other in silence. It didn’t stay silent for long.

“How long… How long do you think you’ll be gone?” Jean asked, running his hand through Marco’s hair, letting it rest there as he waited for his answer.

“We don’t know. As long as it takes to get rid of the titan threat,” Marco sighed, squeezing Jean’s other hand, twisting the ring on his finger.

“There’s no estimated date for when that may be? I’ve looked into everything I can about the mission… to make sure you’re as safe as possible, but…”

“It’s impossible to know how long I’ll be gone. Just know, that when I come back, we’re going to spend days on end in bed, and we’re going to lock everyone out but the cook,” Marco turned over, tapping his fingers in a rhythm on Jean’s chest as he smiled. Jean stared at him, at the countless numbers of freckles on his nose and cheeks, at his messed up hair and bright eyes. It almost hurt to look at someone so insanely bright.

“That better be a promise,” Jean began to laugh, turning over onto his side, eyes continuing to wander over his husband’s face.

“I swear to it. I swear on the Walls around West, North, South, and Eastgate. I swear on the Wall surrounding humanity.”

“That’s a pretty big promise to keep,” Jean whispered, finally settling to look into Marco’s eyes. The other man nodded, and pressed his nose to Jean’s. they both moved at the same time, kissing again, hands folding together. It wasn’t long before they fell asleep, both wishing they could just skip tomorrow.

Tomorrow came though, and early in the morning, they were both awake and only Marco wore his armor. Jean, as Lord Commander of the Armed Forces, was directing the soldiers and carts of supplies towards the eastern gate of Westgate, the one that let into the large open space inside the Wall. There were civilians lining the streets as he lead them towards the gate, Annie on her horse next to him, clad in armor from head to foot. Their faces were blank, but Jean hated what he was doing, he wasn’t so sure what Annie felt.

They reached the gate, and it took a couple minutes for it to open all the way, but soon enough, Jean was sitting on his horse adjacent to the gate, watching as his soldiers left. Many of them weren’t knights, and only around thirty of them were, but there were some others, new recruits and old veterans, joining them on the march. Marco was one of the first to go through, but before he did, he veered his horse over to Jean’s, and almost grabbed him from his saddle, kissing him so violently Jean was sure his mouth looked bruised afterwards. It was hard to pay attention after that.

The gate closed around eight in the morning, and Jean did not know what he would do for the rest of the day. He, Levi, and Hanji had been there at the gates to watch, though Hanji soon decided that she was going with them, and left as well, leaving Levi and Jean by themselves. The both of them rode back to the house, to plan what they would do about Southgate.

They hadn’t received any news by bird or by messenger about the town, and they hadn’t received their yearly peddlers, trying to bring them fish from the lakes that resided close by within the wall. Overall, it was a weird situation, and of course Jean had to deal with it.

The current plan was to have Jean and Levi bring half of the remaining soldiers, and another fifth of the knights within the castle with them to inspect Southgate. They were also planning on picking up more soldiers at Castle Creek along the way, where another regiment of soldiers was training there under Lieutenant Mike Zacharius. It would be a trip anywhere from two weeks to two months, to two years. Everything was clouded in mystery, and if they happened to run into titans, they would kill them, and keep strong as much as possible. That was the only way they could survive.

Jean was in his room packing when he heard noise coming from another part of the house. He left his room, only for it to grow louder, and he soon saw that the source was coming from Levi and Erwin’s room. When he got closer, it sounded a lot like crashing, the breaking of plates of vases, and Jean was sure he didn’t want to be in there right now. Soon enough though, Levi was walking out, albeit slamming the door behind him. He saw Jean and nodded towards him before heading downstairs, motioning for him to follow.

They both made it into the small meeting room, and Levi began to poke at the fire that had been set earlier in the morning.

“I told Erwin of the plan.”

“And?”

“He disapproves.”

“Well, isn’t he supposed to be my advisor? Shouldn’t that tell you something? Maybe we need to delay scouting out towards Southgate. They’re probably getting some hard storms right now and can’t make the trip here,” Jean stood behind him, his arm waving to the side in some meaningless gesture.

“He disapproves because he doesn’t want me to leave. I told him it was my duty, and the only reason I’m telling you now is because this means you can take no advice from him concerning this topic. He is biased, and will try anything that will get me to stay. I know him well enough to know he’ll do that. You’ll have to ask someone else, someone you know with experience,” and after finishing that, Levi walked out of the room, leaving Jean to stare at the fire.

There was no one who Jean knew that had battle experience, or something akin to it. The only people that he thought who might know something about what was going on was Reiner and Bertholdt, the latter of which had just left with Marco and Annie. Jean grumbled, and left the room as well, heading towards the knights hall.

The place, though not missing a majority of it’s inhabitants, seemed empty. So empty in fact, that if Jean didn’t know better, he would have thought it abandoned. He soon found out that everyone was on duty, and not just in the castle, but throughout the whole city, patrolling on new orders from Annie before she had left. Reiner apparently was on break, and so Jean headed to his room to see if he could find him. When he didn’t find him there, he searched the rest of the knights hall, not expecting to find him in the bathhouse.

Reiner, his short blonde hair stuck to his forehead, had his eyes closed as he soaked. He apparently heard Jean come in though, and he opened one eye before reclosing it. “What do you want?”

“I wanted to ask for your advice,” Jean stated, standing on the edge of the bath. Reiner didn’t move as he asked, just made a soft noise of approval, as if telling Jean to continue.

“Get in the bath before you ask though. Relax. We’ve got a war ahead of us, and this might be the last chance you have to bathe,” Reiner told him, opening his eyes fully now as he watched Jean take off his clothes and enter the bath to sit across from him. “So what is it that the Lord Commander of the Queen’s Armed Forces has to ask me?”

“I wanted advice on what to do in a dangerous situation… one that might involve civilians. I know that you were part of the village watch back before you came here… before your village burned. I wanted to know if you might have anything gained from that,” Jean hated talking sometimes, he hated asking for help, and he hated bringing things up people usually tried to forget. Reiner nodded, closing his eyes again as he crossed his arms over his large chest.

“It’s simple really, you either get rid of the threat, and in the meantime sacrifice lives to save more, or you retreat, and sacrifice lives to save more. Either way, someone will die.”

Jean’s face grew grim, and he lowered himself until the water touched his chin. He felt horrible, knowing that the lives of so many rested on whether he made a certain decision. It was inevitable that he make some sort of choice that got people killed, but he wanted that to happen later rather than sooner. Reiner stayed still across from him, watching Jean as he thought.

“I was wondering, who is going with you to Southgate?” Reiner asked, unfolding his arms to have his palms pressed flat on the stone bench he sat on.

“I was hoping to have you and your group join me. But I understand if you want to stay here.”

“We’ll go. It’s not like I can talk to Bertl either way, so I might as well do something productive while he’s gone. Congratulations by the way.”

“Thanks,” Jean said halfheartedly. Marco was gone, miles away by now, it didn’t feel like Jean was married. The only difference between him now, and the day before at this time, was that he had a ring, and maybe already blood on his hands.

“You should go and tell the other knights, and get ready to leave. Within the week, the sooner the better,” Reiner advised, standing from the bath and stepping out of it, grabbing his towel and wrapping it around his waist before walking out of the bathhouse. Jean stayed within the water for a few more minutes, then left hurriedly after drying and dressing. He needed to talk to Levi about what preparations they would need to make if they were to escort refugees back to Westgate from Southgate. It already felt like his hands stood in buckets of blood, and the list was already filling up with names he didn’t know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this thing is flying from my fingers. It could either last a long time from now, or be finished in just two/three more chapters, I don't know! I hope you guys like it, and thanks again for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and Levi ready their procession to head to Southgate, The list begins.

Jean had only been within the confines of Westgate, as in living there, for about five years. He moved from a small farm an hour or two outside of Westgate to the sprawling city where he could become a knight. His father and mother’s farm had burned down with them inside while he had been on a run to the nearest village, and that was how he found himself an orphan. He never found out who burned his village down, but he knew that there was nothing he could do about it. So he had moved to Westgate, the closest of the gate cities, and joined the soldiers there, and eventually the knights along with Marco Bodt.

The way that Levi had planned to get down to Southgate was through a route that varied little from the main road, but enough that they wouldn’t impede refugees if they came about. They just happened to plan to travel by Jean’s old farm, though none of the others knew it. They would also pass by other villages, and the main reason for that was to check for damage, to see if these monsters known as titans had destroyed more of the people within the Wall.

A week after Marco had left, a rather sleepless and almost restless week for Jean, they saddled their horses, and began to move out. Jean had Levi worry about who would be in charge in their place, and he lead the pillar of horses and soldiers that were riding to Southgate. They started their march with five hundred soldiers, a handful of messengers to relay messages and get back to Westgate if things went bad, at least ten scouters to help keep things in vision, and then him and Levi. That was all they had for this expedition to see if anything had gone wrong in Southgate.

An hour outside of Westgate, Jean knew all too well that things were going to be horrible. He hadn’t exactly expected to come across any of the titans, but they came across two, one right after the other. It wasn’t hard to get them down, archers blinding them and others cutting at their feet and legs to make them fall. Levi took out the first one, jumping and climbing its back and slicing out the section that halted their regeneration. Another soldier took out the other, and they continued. They lost ten people to both of those titans, lowering their numbers from five hundred to four hundred and eighty.

The rest of the day went by in an eerie silence that no one dared to break. Soon they passed by Jean’s old house, and he only glanced at it once, the charred remains still standing, still reminding him of what he lost and continued to lose. They paused only briefly when they came across towns, making sure the inhabitants were okay, or if there were any survivors. They found several children trapped in a collapsed house, and sent them back to Westgate with a few of the soldiers. Four hundred and seventy.

When they stopped the sun was already well under the ground, and the soldiers rolled out their bedrolls and Jean’s tent that he would share with Levi was hastily pitched. The two of them retreated into it, placing their own bedrolls onto the ground and picking out the maps that they had taken with him.

“We’re here. If we can keep making this time, and if we keep steering clear of the titans, we can make it to Castle Creek in a couple more days. If we run into more titans, we’ll have to stop and make sure we can continue. I give us at least another two weeks, depending on the titans, to make it to Southgate,” Levi’s voice was soft, as the other soldiers had already fallen asleep,the day of traveling leaving them drained. Jean nodded, and his head perked up as he saw the flap open to reveal Reiner Braun.

“Reiner, why aren’t you asleep?”

“Scouts came back. There are several titans heading in this direction. Their moves are sluggish, but they can still possibly be upon the encampment in a half hour. That’s what I’ve been told,” Reiner sounded absolute, as though the titans would strike, and there was nothing to do about it. Jean looked to Levi who nodded.

“Get ready to leave. Wake up only a few other soldiers, good ones, and we’ll leave to take care of them. Ready only a few torches,” Jean stood from his mat, picking up his armor that lay to the side, and getting it on. Reiner nodded and saluted before leaving the tent. “Shit.”

“It’s what being a soldier means.”

“When I thought we’d be going to war, I thought it would be humans, not these things,” Jean grumbled, fastening the straps on his armor, picking his sword after. He gave it a few turns in his hand and put it in its sheath before he left the tent as well, Levi behind him with the small candle they had used for light.

They met up with a small group of soldiers, only seven other people, making them a group of ten, the number that had lost to one titan earlier that day. They were all veterans, having helped during the revolution that happened when Jean was only a child, and he trusted them to know what to do.

“We will go and take care of this threat, and come back. No one is to tell the others about this. Understood?” The group of soldiers saluted as they nodded, and Jean nodded back before getting onto his horse, the others doing the same.

They rode their horses fast, the scout that had told Reiner about the titans in the lead. They came upon the group soon enough, only to find them all lying on the ground, motionless. They stopped short of them, counting a total of four titans, and then Levi dismounted. He walked towards them, sword in hand, and bent down to look at their eyes.

“They’re asleep. They can’t move.” He shouted back to them. Suddenly one’s arm twitched, moving and crashing onto the ground, only a yard or two away from where Levi stood.

“Then we need to kill them while they’re down. Levi,” Jean dismounted as well, and though his heart beat faster than their horses had galloped, he walked over to one as well. It was easy to cut into the titan’s flesh, to cut out the nape of their neck, their blood spurting from the wounds, splashing onto their armor. Jean and Levi killed both of them, and walked back to the group of soldiers, all of their faces blank. “Let’s get back and get some sleep.”

The ride back was silent except for the sound of hooves on the ground, and then the soldiers went back to their bedrolls, and they all fell asleep upon contact.

The next morning, before the sun came over the horizon, the entire party was up and getting ready to mobilize. Jean went around on his horse, making sure preparations were going accordingly, while Levi managed the scouts. While Jean rode to where the line would start again, Levi approached him on his horse.

"The titans corpses are gone, there's no sign of them."

"What?! How could they be? They're gigantic! Their bodies should still be there!"

"Well they're not, which either means they escaped or that they decomposed overnight. Either way we can't worry about it, and we need to get going." Levi turned his horse around and rose his hand, motioning the line to proceed to their next destination.

There were to pass only one village that day, and almost at the end of it. Levi and Jean had debated on whether they should just settle their encampment around or outside the village, but it was decided they would get as far as they could until the sun set. Reiner kept tabs on the scouts, which Jean thought a good idea now, and they got constant updates on whether or not there were titans near them or not. Twice they swerved out of their path to avoid a few that seemed to be roaming alone, and it wasn’t until mid afternoon that they met any at all.

There were nine titans, all in a loose group, stumbling on their long and uneven legs towards them. The scouts came back after already having a casualty, the body back where the titans were, most likely devoured. Jean stopped the procession and ordered that half of the soldiers were to go and fight them, the others were to stay back and wait for an order of retreat or to continue. Levi stayed with the half that would keep their place, and Jean joined the ones going to kill the monsters.

Upon seeing the creatures, as there were enough trees to block their vision almost a dozen yards, Jean stopped his horse.

“Men! Knock your arrows! We need to get them down before we can attack,” He turned his horse, motioning towards the group. One of the titans stood at least another yard or two above the others, and Jean couldn’t help but shake in his saddle.

“Go for the taller one first! Then deal with the shorter! Go!” Jean pointed his sword towards the titans, and his men rode forward, their bows firing arrows as they did. Jean followed behind them, trying to fill any hole they had left open. The titans were quick to pick on them, picking up one, two men, and inadvertently killing others just by stepping in the wrong place. It was a blood bath.

Several of the titans soon fell, crushing other soldiers and their horses, the cries of both intermingling with the shouts the beats gave them. Jean jumped from his horse and ran towards one of the fallen, cutting out the nape of it’s neck with quick strike, hot steam rising almost immediately after. He pulled back from it, and jumped down to watch.

As he did he saw another one of the fallen titans, missing the patch of skin at it’s neck, and how it now looked ashen. He walked over, avoiding other soldiers as they attacked the other titans, and pressed his finger to it, only for it to crumble into a large pile of ash.

Soon enough all of the titans were dead, their bodies lying on the ground with their soldiers, blood everywhere making the ground moist and squishy. The men remounted their horses, and after counting those they had lost, Jean returned to the other half of the army, dreading the news. Four hundred.

The first thing he did was contact Levi, riding his horse until he met the second in command.

“The titans, their bodies evaporate. They turn to ash and dust. The other’s must have done the same and the dust remains must have been blown away in the wind. We need someone to be writing this all down to send back to the other gate cities,” Jean as he spoke motioned for one of the pages that had accompanied them to have him write it down. Levi stayed silent afterwards, just looking at the ground as he thought.

“We should set up camp around the village, there’s not enough time to get much farther if we can even reach it by the time the sun goes down. We should also send word back to Westgate. A few people only. No more than five.”

“And what if the can’t make it to Westgate? We can’t afford to lose more people, Levi. We’ve already lost a fifth of our regiment!” Jean shouted, and the voices of the other soldiers died down. He looked behind him and cursed under his breath. “We can’t send more people back. We’ll get to Southgate, and on our return trip we can tell everyone. There will be no arguments about that, this conversation is over. Please see that the wounded are tended as best as they can while riding. We can set up tents for them once we reach the village.” Jean pulled his horse away from Levi’s, heading back towards the front of the procession.

No one rode up to him for the next hour, and even then it seemed as though they didn’t want it. Reiner approached him, his face grim as he lead his horse to ride beside him.

“Lord Commander… the village is destroyed.” Reiner didn’t turn his head towards him, still facing forward.

“When did you find this out?” Jean didn’t know what to do with the information other than ask how it had come about. They could inspect the village once they got there.

“Not five minutes ago. I stopped sending scouts forward once they did. What should we do?”

“We keep moving forward, and we can use the village as a defense should any other titans roam at night… Reiner, why didn’t you marry Bertholdt before he left?” Jean had been turning the question over in his mind for hours now. Reiner and Bertholdt had been in the same position as he and Marco, why hadn’t they done something similar?

Reiner hadn’t expected the question though, so his cheeks ran pink as he thought and replied, “We planned for a wedding after we’re reunited. We didn’t want to test the first year being separated.”

Jean nodded his head. They’d thought the same thing, that being separated for so long after such a huge commitment was made couldn’t possibly be good. Of course he didn’t regret getting married to Marco, he loved him more than anything, but knowing that he was only running further and further from him, it was something that didn’t let him sleep well at night. Marco’s absence was one thing, he would grow accustom to that, but the fact that his husband could be dead, and he might not find out until months afterward, possibly after his funeral? He quickly pushed the thought to the back of his head.

“I understand. When you two get back to Westgate, you are relieved of your duties. I can supply for you a different job within the castle or within the city, but I don’t want the same thing that’s happened to me to happen to you,” Jean told him, hoping his voice didn’t give away how jealous he was that Reiner and Bertholdt still had something to look forward to, that they had a better chance of a life together than Jean did with Marco.

“With respect sir, we’ll continue to serve under you and the Queen. I’ll relay my message to Commander Heichou. Good day,” Reiner smiled and saluted to him before he lead his horse back to where Jean knew Levi rode behind him. They continued to ride and Jean halted the march outside the town, and had only Levi proceed with him within it.

The buildings mostly stood, though some were destroyed and some seemed unstable. There was no sight of any person while they rode outside, and after seeing that some of the buildings would be good for the wounded, they called in the soldiers.

Many of them set up tents connected to the buildings, and the injured and older veterans were able to sleep within the few buildings deemed safe enough. Jean and Levi got an upper floor of one of them, and they even had beds to sleep in.

A sturdy desk sat in front of the window, and Jean stood in front of it, the maps beneath him. Behind him, Levi leaned against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.

“This town should have had at least a hundred people in it, Kirschtein. There should be some survivors somewhere. I propose we send out a group around the perimeter, around a hundred yards, to make sure there aren’t survivors.”

“That sounds good. Give the order,” Jean sat down on the stool under the desk, pulling it out to do so. The room stayed quiet after that, and Jean just watched the soldiers wander within the village, doing errands for those who helped the injured. There were a few men and women who were going through their last hours, barely alive, that stayed in the building across from him. Jean exited the building he was ni and entered the other.

There weren’t many beds, but there were mats laid out across crates and boxes, holding the sixteen people who were pleading to die, to have it over with. Jean stopped by each one of them, taking their hand, telling them what they wanted to hear. Their sacrifice had meant something, they’d learned so much in that small skirmish with the titans. They would be remembered and told of once they returned to Westgate. The entire time he told those soldiers they did well, and that they could rest, he could only think of Annie possibly doing the same with Marco. Names continued to be added onto the list. Three hundred and eighty four.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if this chapter felt off? I don't know what I was thinking while I was writing it, but I hope you all still like it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco and his garrison make it to Castle Cornwall. They've experienced more than enough casualties.

Out of the three hundred soldiers that had gone with the procession Marco accompanied, only one hundred and eighty made it to Castle Cornwall. It had been a grueling journey. The first day they had run into five titans, and sure, Annie and Bertholdt were great at getting them down and killing them, a few others helping, but they lost entirely too many people. Marco vomited after seeing his friends half eaten, and he helped to rescue those that could be saved. Then they continued towards Northgate.

The second day was no better. People were more prepared now in what they had to do, but that didn’t mean they didn’t lose anybody. From then on, their losses weren’t often, everyone numb to what they really felt, and knowing exactly what was needed in order to take down the enormous beasts. When they camped, almost half of the people would stand guard to warn the others if anything happened. The fifth day went by much easier, no titans were in sight, and even the two scouts that had still managed to live were telling of nothing looking destroyed. They arrived at Castle Cornwall with time to spare in the day, and everybody got to sleep in nice fresh beds and take a bath.

Marco shared his room with Bertholdt, the taller man taking the bed closest to the window, and Marco taking the one closest to the door. They didn’t talk much after they arrived, tired and weary from the trip, they both just stripped for bathing, washed themselves, and collapsed onto their beds in the early afternoon. That of course meant that around midnight, they were waking up starving and fully rested.

“Let’s get something to eat,” Marco whispered across the room. Bertholdt was lying on his side, facing away from him, but he turned his head at the suggestion.

“We shouldn’t. What if something happens?”

“We didn’t eat earlier, we’ll be okay, come on,” Marco got up from his bed as he talked, stretching his arms up and bringing them down, only to pause to look at the ring that was settled around his fourth finger. He looked at it everyday, and he couldn’t help but smile at the thought of seeing Jean again after everything was over. Of course the order to leave him had been hard, it had been the hardest thing he’d done, but he knew the reunion would be the sweetest. He shook his head, remembering where he was, and seeing Bertholdt standing in front of him, a good handspan taller than himself.

“Let’s get going then.” With that, Bertholdt led them out of the room, and down the hallway towards the stairs. Castle Cornwall was named for the large corn fields surrounding the area, and there was a village close by where the farmers of those fields lived. The owner of Castle Cornwall was the Armed Forces, but the person who ran the castle was Captain Dita Ness. He no longer fought, but he did breed horses on the castle grounds for the use of the Armed Forces, and they were there for supplies, and to pick up recruits from the village, which was visible from the highest part of the castle.

It stood strong with chiseled stone, and even though winds rushed past there fast enough to rip things from your hands, it stayed, ever persistent. That didn’t mean that the wind didn’t somehow seep through and send breezes down the hallways, sending chills down the occupants spines. It was desperately colder at night, and suddenly Marco was regretting leaving the room that was fitted with an iron stove.

“It’s supposed to be on the lower levels, maybe even in the basement, I’m not sure,” Marco said, trying to guide them towards where he thought the kitchen to be. They hadn’t exactly paid attention when told where to find things, and they were to leave the next day at lunchtime, so they didn’t have long to find their way around and get used to it.

“I thought it was next to the meeting hall,” Bertholdt whispered back, and the two stared at each other, the first with small gleams of sweat beading down his face. They just nodded, and continued on their path downstairs, running by the meeting hall, glad that Bertholdt had been right and a large open room with hearths and stoves and plenty of food to feed the people there. At that time, they numbered just under two hundred.

Marco and Bertholdt weren’t the only ones there though. They looked around the corner to see Annie sitting at the wooden table in the middle of the room, half of it covered in breads and meats, the other half covered in maps and papers, and Marco began to think that they shouldn’t have strayed from their rooms.

“It’s alright. I knew that you two didn’t eat, come in. I won’t eat you,” Annie didn’t look up at them as she invited them over. Marco nodded, and he and Bertholdt walked into the kitchen and neared the table. Bertholdt cut them slices of bread, and Marco cut up a few pieces of ham, placing them on the slices. There wasn’t any cheese, but Annie told them that there were barrels of ale in the corner, and that they could help themselves to only one mug, no more.

“So, what’s happening, Commander?” It was weird calling Annie that when they’d trained together. She’d risen right through the ranks with her abilities in fighting and sparring, and her almost unprecedented intelligence, so it wasn’t surprising that she was named Commander of the Castle Guard just two years after they’d become knights.

“I’m just making sure that our way to Northgate is clear. We haven’t run into any other damaged villages, and we haven’t come across titans since the fourth day of traveling. I’m starting to think that they aren’t heading north.” Annie took a gulp of her own drink, her eyes roaming over the maps as she moved papers, and quickly jotted something down with a pen.

“You might think… that they’re heading South? I thought they came from the South,” Marco could barely eat with this information, so his food sat in front of him, almost untouched. Next to him Bertholdt was eating slowly, staring at the tale as though he wasn’t interested in the topic, but the pace at which he was eating told different.

“That’s just it. We don’t know where they came from. We might get to Northgate and find it decimated, or we might find it completely intact, and your boyfriend might find Southgate gone and burned.”

“He’s my husband now, Annie,” saying that felt weird, but the knowledge that it was true made his heart glow. He had only wished they’d gotten more time to revel in it. Marco shook his head and began to eat his food, still listening to her while she talked. She told them of what could be the possible outcomes of this weird happenstance, and none of them seem good. Either way the titans were heading for a gate city, and had left one already destroyed, letting in whatever it was from the outside world they didn’t want within the Wall. It’d been so long since anyone that had lived outside the Wall had been seen, that people began to think that within the Wall was the only place they could survive.

Soon enough though, Annie was folding and rolling her papers up, and telling them to get back to bed, since they had a long time of riding still ahead of them, and they needed to get to Northgate as soon as possible. Bertholdt nodded along with Marco, and they slowly crept back to their room upstairs.

“You know, I think it’s weird that we know so little about this. I mean, what are these titans? Why haven’t we seen them before?” Marco didn’t know a lot about the situation, and he didn’t know if Bertl knew more than him, but he still asked his questions.

“Probably because they’re so few of us, and not enough people have lived to tell the tale of them.” He shrugged after he answered, and Marco nodded. It seemed plausible enough, and he didn’t have another answer to offer up. They stayed quiet until they reached their room, and the two of them sat on their beds.

“Bertl, hey, you are Reiner are pretty serious… how are you guys?” The only reason the question came into mind now was because Marco tried to think of any other couples that were being separated by this mission, and only Reiner and Bertholdt came into mind. He stretched out his arms above him, stifling a yawn. Bertl didn’t look quite comfortable enough to talk about it. “You don’t have to answer that, I understand.”

“It’s not that. We actually planned to have a wedding when we get back.” Bertl’s cheeks began to turn pink, and Marco almost jumped out of his bed at the news.

“Really? That’s wonderful! I really hope this doesn’t last too long. I mean, I really miss Jean.” The sadness of not seeing him for only five days was enough to make him sit back down. He sighed, and saw Bertl nod.

“I miss Reiner, he… he’s worried about me. I haven’t been doing too well with my fighting, I don’t know what it is.”

“You looked good enough when you killed that titan on the first day. I think you’re fine. We should probably sleep though, and let this get from us, we’ll only make ourselves sad,” Marco yawned, and laid back down on his bed, facing the middle of the room.

“Yeah. Goodnight, Marco.”

“Goodnight, Bertholdt,” Marco whispered, and he turned over to face the window, looking up at the moon before closing his eyes, knowing that somewhere, Jean was probably looking up at it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if I'll do Marco's pov again, but I wanted to tell what was happening on his side! If I do, it'll probably just be one other chapter or two. Thank you for staying with me, and sorry this chapter is kinda short ;A;
> 
> Also I changed the title because 'Knights' didn't really fit it anymore? I don't know about this one either, but I think it sounds a lot better. Let me know what you think!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and his regiment make it to Southgate.

Jean couldn’t believe the amount of relief he felt when Castle Creek came into view.The rest of the soldiers they had with them cheered,and it was almost as if they all made a mad dash to get there as soon as they could. That meant that Jean and Levi were almost galloping on their horses in order to make it there first, to tell Lieutenant Mike Zacharias they were there. The man in question was taller than Jean could have imagined. He’d heard about his tall stature before, but he hadn’t expected him to be quite so tall. He and Levi told him of the situation. They told him of the amount of soldiers they had, which hadn’t gone lower than the last time they attacked the titans, and when they planned to leave.

The soldiers had to triple upon rooms, the castle not meant to hold so many people. Jean and Levi were sharing as room again as well, though it was much bigger than the one had been at the last village. There was a large desk that they placed all their maps and figures on, and Jean told Levi that he wouldn’t even look at them until after he’d eaten. They both went down to the kitchens, only to see the cooks working frantically, getting as much food as they could towards the soldiers already in line, waiting for something sustaining. He and Levi were able to get their food before the other soldiers there, and though Jean knew many were giving him dirty looks, he didn’t care. He was the one having to make the decisions, not them, so they could handle waiting a little bit longer for food.

Mike, Levi, Jean, and Reiner all met in the small meeting room towards the top of the castle. Their plates were all filled with food as they began to talk numbers. Reiner was only there because he needed more scouts, and they were going to decide which of the soldiers they were taking from Mike that would fill those positions. After that was decided, it was just Mike, Levi, and Jean. There were only eighty soldiers training under Mike there, the rest having been sent to Southgate already, and told to make their way to Eastgate if there were no problems. He hadn’t received word from them yet, so he supposed they were dead. Mike didn’t hide the fact that he thought Jean and the rest of the regiment were marching towards death.

“I know we shouldn’t, but we need to. I need to make sure that nothing has happened to Southgate, and that the Wall isn’t damaged. If it isn’t, we need to make our way to Northgate and Westgate. One of the Wall cities has to be damaged, the titans couldn’t have gotten in any other way.” Jean’s plate was empty now, and he just picked up a few crumbs and moved them around his plate. He saw Levi watching him from the corner of his eyes, and flicked one of them his way. Levi wasn’t too amused with that. Mike nodded.

“I would go with you, but we need to keep the Castle guarded. I can give you thirty soldiers, no more.” Mike’s face was serious; all of theirs were.

“Alright. We’ll take what we can get. We’re leaving the day after tomorrow, to make sure everyone is well rested, included the horses. You can put them to work here if you want,” Jean stood from his chair, and stifled a yawn. He hadn’t slept well since they left, and it was catching up with him.

“Lord Commander,” Mike bowed his head a fraction, and Jean raised his hand to him before he left the room, heading to the one that he and Levi shared. The halls were filled with people walking around. They were heading back to their rooms, or towards the kitchen to get their meals, either way it was busy, and it almost reminded Jean of Westgate in the streets. He wished he was still there, still with Marco. He wished he bought that farm earlier, and they’d already left before all this had happened.

Many of the people he passed in the halls saluted to him, and he acknowledged them with a nod, his hands behind his back. He didn’t feel like a leader, like he should be responsible for all these people’s lives, but he was. He hadn’t even seen his own battle before, and here he was leading an army against monsters they’d never seen. It felt depressing.

Marco crossed his mind, and Jean let the other man occupy it fully. He wondered where Marco was, and what he was doing. He didn’t let himself think about the chances of him being dead, it wasn’t something he deemed possible. Maybe they’d made it to Castle Cornwall, and Marco was having a good time while they rested before arriving at Northgate. Either way, Jean just hoped that he was okay.

The rest of the day went by in a blur. Even though he had retreated into his room, Levi came to him and asked him about the numbers, about what they should do about them, and whether or not some people should be left behind because of their injuries. It wasn’t something he wanted to talk about, but it was a necessity. They finally counted up the number of soldiers, the ones that could still ride without aid, and had all their limbs in tact. Counting the ones that Mike would send with him, they had four hundred and six.

When it came time to leave, the morning was full of people hurrying around the castle. Everybody was readying to go, to get back into the pillar and continue to travel. Jean and Levi were already on their horses, waiting for the rest of them. Mike saw them off, and they continued towards Southgate.

The land south of Westgate was arid, and dry, and Jean was sure that without the small creek that they followed, they would have run out of water. The days seemed to go on forever, and it was horrible hot, enough to make Jean sweat under his armor, and enough to make Levi start to complain, and letting the procession pause when the majority of the soldiers asked.

They had about another day’s ride until they were to reach Southgate, and Jean didn’t know if he was excited about that or not. Titans were scarce, and the only one they ran into had fallen over, its tongue hanging outside it’s mouth. It wasn’t dead, but they were still careful with killing it. They thankfully didn’t lose any soldiers to it. That was the only titan they killed before they reached Southgate, the rest of the land had been barren.

The first night was rough. The wind howled across the plains, and made it almost impossible to achieve any rest. When they mounted their horses the next morning, everyone seemed to be feeling the same: shitty, tired, and hungry. It didn’t make well for a group of soldiers, but they pressed on. They could see Southgate in the midafternoon, but no one wanted to.

Smoke rose from every possible place, and Jean swore he could still see fires raging from the tops of towers and houses, and he wanted to swear. They’d walked towards a battle field, but both sides were nowhere to be seen. Jean and Levi took fifty soldiers with them to get closer to the city, the rest remaining behind and making camp.

The gate to the city was broken, lying on the interior of the Wall, so they were able to ride through.

“Keep your eyes peeled, and at any sight of anything, you tell me,” Jean ordered. The rest of his soldiers confirmed, and they split up into groups of five as they scoured the city for survivors.

The smoke in the air made it harder and harder to breath, and Jean found himself ripping some of the material from hi shirt off to cover his nose and mouth, wishing he had glasses, or something else to keep it from his eyes. The others in his group seemed to be doing the same. He hadn’t yet learned the names of all the soldiers, and right now he didn’t feel as though it was necessary, he could learn later, when they were out of danger. They rounded a corner and came upon one of the buildings that still burned alight. They steered clear, not having the necessary equipment to put it out, and rounded a different corner. That was when they started to come across the bodies.

Everywhere, almost in every dark corner, there was blood. A child lay immediately in front of them, his neck broken in an awkward angle, his eyes looking at nothing. One of them got off their horse, and moved them, carrying the small body and leaning it against one of the buildings. They continued after that, heading towards the castle in the middle of the city.

There were more and more bodies, some missing limbs, some with large tears somewhere on their bodies. Everywhere seemed to be coated in blood as they got nearer the center of Southgate. Several times they stopped, one of his men vomiting up the little food they’d had that day. Jean’s face stayed void of emotion. He couldn’t attach himself, not when he had four hundred other people to take care for. The castle in the middle of the city soon stood before them, and Jean could see the other parties nearing, and they all headed into the gates.

The Castle at Southgate seemed to be the only thing untouched within the whole of the city. They’d found no survivors so far, and were thinking they could possibly in there, since it was still so pristine compared to everywhere else. Jean entered the castle first, having only twenty men accompany him inside, Levi being one of them. He told them to spread out and search for survivors, then meet back in the courtyard. They separated, and he drew his sword as he began down his own path.

Jean hadn’t actually thought about what he would find when coming to Southgate. He had hoped he would find it in peace, and that they knew nothing of the terror that was going on inside the Wall, but that was obviously not the case. They’d heard no noise within the city except the crumbling buildings, the burning fires, and the horses hooves on the cobblestone. A place that big, being so quiet, it was eerie to say the least, and Jean felt as though something might jump out at him at any moment.

When he heard a scream coming from down the hall he’d entered, he raised his sword and ran towards it. He turned into a room, and he found two small children and an older woman. They all stared at him in horror, and he sheathed his sword.

“Are you alright?” He looked them over, and they all seemed to dart their eyes towards something in the corner next to him. Jean turned his head to see a body of a knight, his chest impaled with a spear. He hadn’t been killed by titans. “Come with me,” Jean told them, holding out his hand. The older woman took it, and her children followed him out of the room.

Once out of the room, he checked to make sure they weren’t injured, and that everything seemed to be fine. They didn’t have a splash of blood on them, and he found that quite odd when everywhere else was coated in it like paint.

“Okay, I need you to go out to the courtyard. There are soldiers there that will protect you, alright? I’ll join you soon enough. Stay safe, and be wary,” Jean nodded at them, and tried to smile. It felt empty. He continued after they headed in the direction he pointed, taking his sword back out as he hurried through the rest of the castle.

It didn’t take long to go through the large stone structure, Jean soon meeting up with Levi and the rest of the men. Some of them had more people with them, and as a group they headed towards the courtyard. Jean didn’t expect to see more people there, especially as many as there were.

“How many are there?” Jean walked over to one of the soldiers, Thomas his name was.

“There are seventy of them.”

“Seventy… holy shit,” Jean ran his hand through his hair, sighing. “Alright. We need to get them out of the city safely, and back to the group. We can’t worry about Southgate now, we have to head directly to Northgate and Westgate. We can maybe send these people to Castle Cornwall for Mike to look after them, but we need to hurry.” Thomas nodded, and he started to spread the news, and Jean mounted his horse soon after, moving to be in front of the large group.

“Men and women of Southgate, I’m sorry this has befallen you, but we need to worry about others now. We’ll meet with the rest of the regiment, and then part of them will travel with you to Cornwall, and you’ll be there until I’ve deemed it safe. If anyone has any information about what’s happened, seek me or Commander Levi out tonight, and I will talk with you. Please stay within him, and let’s move out,” Jean pointed his sword towards the gate leading within the Wall, and they slowly began to move out.

Nobody had expected there to be so many survivors, though it was great for them to be there, for them to tell their story of what had happened. Jean didn’t listen to them, heading the group back towards the regiment. Another one of the soldiers, Franz he remembered, had been part of the party that had searched the southern part of the city, where the gate that lead outside the Wall stood.

“Lord Commander,” Franz saluted and then continued, “When we were checking the southern part of the city, we approached the gate. And sir, well, It was unbroken. There wasn’t even a scratch on it. No fires had touched it. It was spotless.”

Jean stopped his horse, turning it to face him.

“What do you mean it wasn’t broken down? How could the titans have gotten in?” He stared in horror at Franz, who swallowed and replied.

“It means, that the titans came from within Southgate. They were within the Wall the whole time.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean and his regiment make it to Castle Thoms.

The plan was simple enough now. The regiment would circle around and travel to Eastgate to see if it had been harmed, if something similar to Southgate had happened. Depending on if there were still people there would be the situation of the 70 people they had rescued from Southgate. hopefully they would be able to leave them there, and then the regiment could just continue to Northgate to meet up with Annie and her regiment.

Jean didn’t know what to do about all the extra people though. They had packed enough provisions for five hundred people for a whole month, and they hadn’t even been gone from Westgate two weeks, but there were children, growing children, and Levi couldn’t say no to them getting just a little extra. They’d need to ration and stop giving seconds, they’d need to cut back on what they already gave out as firsts. He needed to stop worrying about that though, he had others under him that could do that, and so he did.

What he needed to focus on was the trip to Eastgate. There was another castle, another stronghold, on the way there, and Jean was sure they could stop and resupply, maybe ask whoever happened to be stationed there if the refugees could stay until it was safe. Either way, he would need to prepare to always have them with him, and Levi was sure to remind him that on the first night.

They’d just crossed over the one river leading in through the Wall,  and they were making good time despite there being so many unprecedented people. Their camp was larger, and it felt better to have more people back, even if they weren’t his soldiers.

“Lord Commander,” Reiner approached him, saluting, his hand over his heart. Jean looked up from the map in his hands, rolling it back up and motioning for Reiner to sit on the small stool next to him.

“Yes?”

“I’m just reporting on the scouting. We haven’t seen any titans in the immediate area about a five miles in every direction. When would you like the scouts to go ahead in the morning?” Reiner didn’t sit, he just continued to stand in front of Jean, as still as a post. When had he become someone different? When had he begun to alienate his friends?

“You can have them scout ahead when we begin to ready the procession in the morning. We’ll get a later start and let the people rest. They’re tired and we can’t push them like soldiers.”

“Understood, Lord Commander.” Without another word Reiner walked away, and Jean watched as his figure slowly started to slump forward, how his limbs become more lethargic. Everyone was tired. No one had mobilized a force like this in years, and even Erwin’s last scout had only been that, a scouting mission to train more of the soldiers if something were to happen. Things obviously hadn’t gone as planned.  

The next morning went as Jean expected it to. It was hard to get the people mobilized, but once they were, it was easy to cross more ground, and at their pace Jean knew they would be reaching late that night or early the next morning. The scouts continued to come back, having no news of titans or destroyed villages, though there had only been one village that they’d passed.

Things were starting to look good, and Jean felt horrible about it. This had to be the time where they got just a bit further, and the scouts didn’t come back, but they did, they kept coming back with good news, and each time Jean felt the stone in his gut get heavier.

He could only continue to wonder if Marco was dealing with the same situation, if he’d made it to Northgate and found it in ruins and was heading towards Eastgate with survivors. Jean didn’t think about if Marco had been injured, or worse, because Marco was tougher than that, some silly little thing couldn’t kill him. Titans weren’t silly little things. Jean shook his head and looked around him at the other people. His soldiers were all tired, he could see it in the way they sat on their horses, and in the bags under their eyes. They were tired of seeing their friends die, they were tired of fighting things that could accidentally kill them with a misplaced hand. Jean was tired of it too, but he needed to stay strong. Thinking like that, he straightened his posture, taking in a large breath before he continued along the path with the others.    

   They paused around lunch, passing the food out to the refugees took longer than Jean would have liked, but soon they were moving again, and were continuing on their path. Levi moved his horse up to be by Jean's, and he began to speak in almost a whisper.

   "Jean, there is a problem among the survivors. One of the women is pregnant, and she’s due within the day."

   "What? Why wasn't I informed of this earlier?" Jean kept his eyes ahead of him, but glanced over to Levi as he continued to talk.

   "I wasn't aware until now. We need to take a cart and someone needs to ride ahead so she can get to Castle Thoms. She's due any time today, and we can't stop the whole procession for her to give birth."

   "Alright, arrange it. Have one of the scouts, a doctor, and several of the soldiers go with her, and Levi, is her husband...?"

   "He was never recovered."

   "Okay, then deploy them immediately. Make sure they get as far as they can before she gives birth." Jean nodded to Levi as he left, and he wiped his forehead, the sweat coming off onto his hand. He didn't want to think about dead spouses right now, but the fact that the woman had even survived this while being with child, he couldn't have but the utmost respect for her courage.

   Jean watched as one cart, pulled by several  horses and manned by one person, began to pull away from the procession, moving ahead. Reiner was with them, and he waved to them as they left, the soldiers saluting him before they were completely out of view.

   The procession didn't come upon Castle Thoms until the sun had already set. The scouts had told them that it was close enough, and that they could make it by nightfall, and so they'd pushed to be able to do so. Jean let the other soldiers take care of the horses and he hurried inside, and asked about for the pregnant woman. Levi finally found him and began to lead him to where she was staying.

   "She went into labor not an hour after we set them off, and she gave birth on that cart in sight of the Castle. She's fine, the doctor was able to help her deliver easily. She's asked for you." Levi looked up at him as they stopped in front of the door to the room she was staying in.

   "Why?" Jean rested his hand on the door knob and sighed.

   "Because you saved her. She wouldn't have been able to survive had she been left in Southgate." Levi left him then, and Jean slowly entered the room.

   A young woman lay asleep on the bed, though she began so stir when he walked in further. She smiled at the sight of him, and turned her head to the small crib next to her.

   "I named him after you," her voice was soft, and Jean froze where he stood. "I wanted him to have the name of someone strong, of someone, of someone we could count on." She smiled and sat up, moving to pick up the baby boy. She nestled him close to her chest and kissed his forehead, then held him out for Jean.

   "Thank you.. I don't know what to say," Jean stammered, moving forward to hold the infant. The boy was still asleep, his head covered in soft brown hair, his tiny hands balled into fists. He looked quaint and fragile, and too innocent in a place like this. Jean shuddered and held the baby closer, making sure that he didn't let his armor touch its skin.   

   "I should be thanking you. You saved both of us." She reached her hands back out for the baby, and Jean lowered him into her arms.    

   "What's your name?" Jean asked her, and she smiled, looking from her baby to Jean.    

   "It's Maria. My name is Maria, and Jean's father here... well his name was Kyle. Thank you again, Jean." She just continued to smile, her face glowing with happiness. He didn't know how she was able to stay so bright in a place like this, at a time like this, but it made him feel worth something. It made him feel important.

   "Thank you, Maria, thank you for this. I hope you sleep well. You'll be able to stay here when we move on to Eastgate." Jean bowed his head, and left the room, closing the door as he saw Maria pull her baby closer, a tear falling from her eye.    

   Reiner was waiting for him outside the door, Levi standing next to him. They both watched him, and Jean only nodded before he moved through the castle, heading towards the meeting room.

   Dot Pixis ran this castle, and though no soldiers were currently training there, he was glad to lend a hand in everything Jean needed, having the servants and other workers on hand get everything ready for their departure.

   "I think you should pause a day, let your men rest." Pixis drank from a wooden cup, and Jean just shook his head.

   "We need to get to Eastgate as soon as we can. We found Southgate in ruins, we can't afford to find another gate town like that." Jean didn't understand why Pixis would want them to rest. There had to be a reason, and he needed to find out. They couldn't let millions more people die because they wanted to rest. What if the city was going under siege right now? that because they hadn't left earlier it was being destroyed? Jean didn't want to think about that, so he just continued to stare at Pixis.

   "It's already in ruins, boy. You think I don't send people there and back to make sure everything is running smoothly? Titans walked right by here. They were heading for the center, though god knows why they're headed for that swamp land. What I'm saying is that you need to let your soldiers rest before you head in a different direction. You'll need everyone on their toes for this. I'll gladly take the refugees you have and put them to work for their keep, but you need to be the one bent on protecting them," Pixis slammed down his mug as he talked. Jean had o remember that the man he talked to had been a previous Commander of the Knights,he knew battle, he'd seen it when Jean was barely out of his diapers.

   "Alright. I need your help then. We need to make sure we have enough arrows, and that our swords are sharp. We need more supplies for everyone, and armor needs to be replaced along with shoes. You go along and help us with that tomorrow, and we'll rest here, but we still need to leave as fast as possible." Jean rose from the table and laid his palms out on the wooden surface. Pixis kept his gaze on him, though his eyes seemed more tired than angry.

   "You've got my word. Go and sleep, and wake early. We'll start preparing then." Pixis smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes, and Jean nodded. He left the room then, bent on making sure they had everything possible. He would need that much if he was heading to the heart of this problem. Hopefully Marco was okay, and hopefully Jean could see him again before this erupted into Hell.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marco and his regiment arrive at Northgate.

Northgate lay in ruins before them, and Marco couldn’t find any words to express how he felt. The entire regiment stared as fires raged on, and they could still see and hear the titans within the city, yet they stayed there, staring at the broken gate. Marco glanced over at Bertholdt, his face gleaming with sweat and his eyes filled with worry. There wasn’t exactly anything they could do, but the screams of the people inside hurt. Annie finally turned her horse towards the regiment.

   “Soldiers. Our objective is to help as much as we can with the remaining part of our numbers. Kill the titans first, and then move onto to search and rescue! Move forward!” She held her sword above her, and then turned once she finished, pressing her heels into the sides of her horse to have it spur towards the broken city gates. Marco looked to Bertholdt, and they nodded to each other before following behind her, lowering their helmets and having their horses speed on.

   Time seemed fluid while they went through the city, slow and motionless in spots, violent and sporadic in others as they slashed their way through titans and killed them as best they could. Marco didn’t go unscathed, and neither did Bertholdt, but they mostly only got bruises from rocks and rubble flying everywhere as the titans fell and destroyed multiple buildings.  He couldn’t feel time pass either way, it all seemed to be one, to be something that never ended, as though he was eternally in a time where titans were attacking, people were screaming, and buildings burned and crashed down around him. It was tiring to say the least.

   One titan, well above the normal height, was stumbling their way, the muscles in its legs cut, and it threatened to fall. Marco and Bertholdt got out of its way as it did, and were quick to climb its neck, cutting into its flesh. The blood sprayed everywhere and soon evaporated, leaving a cloud of rising steam. Their breath was labored, and they soon got down from the neck, not wanting to stay on top as the body began to decay and collapse. They found their horses and stood for a minute, resting before they returned to their hunt.

They both ignored the bodies strewn over the cobblestone streets, those of their friends and comrades, and those of children and men and women who had lived within Northgate. It was all too horrific to fathom. Hours and hours later though, the city became silent. The fires still raged, burning more buildings down, some collapsing under the duress, but other than that there wasn’t a sound around the entire city.

Marco and Bertholdt rode silently through the city, their armor covered in blood, the kind that couldn’t evaporate, and they made their way to the castle in the center. That was where they’d heard to meet after everything. They moved around large piles of ash and decaying titan bodies, not sparing them glances, not looking at the torn bodies around them that had failed to subdue them. When they arrived at the castle, Marco couldn’t help but swallow down his feelings and dismount his horse as he neared the small group that had gathered.

Annie stood at the head of the group, atop her horse, her armor covered in blood and her eyes looking gleamed over and empty. There were only around fifty eight others there with them.

“This is who’s left,” Annie said solemnly. They didn’t speak after that, staying silent as they heard another building fall. “We don’t have time to go around and clean up, but we are going to take this castle and rest for the night inside. I know that sounds gruesome, but we have no choice. We can’t go through and rest outside when there are supplies in here we could use. Then, in two days, we set towards the middle of the Wall, towards Swamp Sina. You all know we saw the titans constantly moving south, and that could be the only place we can catch them. We can leave everything we don’t need here, we can raise pyres tomorrow for the fallen, though we aren’t collecting everyone. Find a room, and sleep. I don’t care what you do the rest of the day, but be prepared to travel in two days.”

Marco was pretty sure that was the longest he’d ever heard Annie talk in one sitting, but he nodded along with the other men and women. He and Bertl placed their horses in the empty stables, and headed inside the castle, trying to find a room that didn’t have the stench of decay in it.

“What if… what if Reiner and Jean are dead?” Bertl raised the unspoken question, and Marco didn’t turn over in his bed to look at him.

“They’re not. They’re too… they’re too stubborn to die.” Not only that, but the thought of Jean lying somewhere, half his body torn off, or worse, it scared him. Marco still planned on holding to his promise of a week in bed. Still, even only seeing Jean when he got back was what kept him going now. Marco stayed still in his bed, pulling the extra blankets over him, trying to stay warm as a small draft began to blow through the room and the shattered window.

“Yeah… yeah you’re right. What am I even thinking,” Reiner mumbled against his pillow. Marco knew he was scared, they all were. They had almost no one left in their regiment, and they were planned to continue on? They probably wouldn’t even be able to make it back to Westgate if the titans were still out there.

“Good night, Bertl.”

“Good night, Marco.” Bertholdt then began to snore almost immediately, and Marco let himself fall asleep as well.

The next day wasn’t as hard working as they would think. Northgate was the smallest of the gate cities, so going through, starting pyres at every opening in the streets, it wasn’t hard. What was hard was moving bodies of friends and of children in order to burn them. The sky was filled with black smoke the entire day, and the remaining soldiers just tied cloths over their nose and mouth, trying to stay dry eyed during their work. Marco and Bertl didn’t look at the bodies they picked up, just hoisting them and tossing them onto the ever growing pile they were set to. It was mindless, and by the end of the day, Marco was more tired than he had been the previous day.

The remaining soldiers ate in the bigger hall, an enormous amount of food from the castle storage on the table. Annie sat on the end, her plate filled with food as well. None of them ate.

“You need to have your strength for tomorrow, so eat up now, we’ve got a long ride until Sina, and we need to be there as soon as we can,” Annie’s voice echoed through the silent hall, and the soldiers nodded. Marco couldn’t eat though, he felt as if he put anything in his mouth it would feel like smoke, that it could choke him until they had to add his body to one of the pyres too. He forced some stew down though, drinking his share of ale and beer before he and Bertl went back to their room. That night was silent and dark, the sky filled with black clouds.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, sorry this chapter is so short, but I plan on having the next chapter be a lot longer than usual. Thank you for reading!!


	11. Chapter 11

(This is a crude drawing of the map and there's no scale, sorry ;A;)

After Jean and the rest of the regiment were well rested after their one day break, they left Castle Thoms, and headed for the center of the Wall. The river that came through the south side of the Wall branched off into many different rivers and creeks, and so the spot they were looking for happened to be in the middle of swamp land, known as Swamp Sina. Nobody liked going there, it was dangerous, and potentially fatal with how much quicksand there was and how well it was hidden. They couldn't stop though, the titans all seemed to be heading there, and so they would too.

They day started out with four hundred and six soldiers; it was less than they began their initial expedition with, but it was more than enough, at least Jean hoped so. If Pixis’ prediction was correct, then the other expedition that had left for Northgate would be traveling to Swamp Sina too, and their numbers could add together to hopefully take down whatever was drawing the titans there. It felt like a foolproof plan, and now Jean only had to get the regiment there as quick as he could.

From Castle Thoms, the middle of Swamp Sina would be a good two or three day march, but they were pushing their horses hard already, a hair short of enough that would kill them. He swore he began to hear grumbles and complaints behind him, about that whatever he was thinking couldn’t be for the good of the Wall. He ignored them. It wasn't his fault that people were stupid and didn’t understand what he did. Though to be honest, Jean wasn’t exactly sure he understood either. He was only guessing that everything would lead up to this moment, and afterwards, well, afterwards he would live in that farm with Marco and they would spend their week in bed.

They stopped around midday, the blazing sun hanging over them, casting their shadows along in front of them. Their horses were allowed to eat, and rest, and Jean promised those close by that they wouldn’t do more than a trot for the rest of the day. They couldn’t walk all the way to Swamp Sina, so killing the horses would be counter productive. That didn’t mean that the soldiers didn’t keep complaining though.

During the later afternoon, they approached the foot of the mountains, the large obstacle they had in their way. They’d just been called The Range, for as long as Jean could remember, but that didn’t make them smaller. There was supposed to be a trailed from Castle Thoms to the villages nearer the center of the Wall, so he sent out scouts to search for it. About a half hour later, the majority of the group pausing and having an early dinner, Reiner came back with news.

“The trail is still there, but there seems to be some destruction from titans or wildfire.” Reiner saluted as he spoke. He paused, waiting for Jean’s reply. The possibility of being ambushed by the titans was not a good one, and to think that they could even be smart enough to pull such an elaborate trick scared him.

“What do you think we should do, Reiner?” Jean’s eyes were squinted in the last harsh hours of daylight, and they were tired, much like everything else about him and the procession. They could go around the mountains, and add more days to their journey, though more days or losing more soldiers, he knew which one he would pick in a heartbeat.

“I think… I think we should go around. It might be too cold in the mountains, and we aren’t prepared for such a trek with so soldiers. Going around will take longer, but it will ultimately save us.”

“Alright. Make the announcement, we’ll begin moving around the mountains at once.” Jean nodded towards him, and Reiner saluted again before he was riding off. They wouldn’t get very far before they stopped for the night, but they could at least get far enough to where it would make a difference for the next few days to come. Jean maneuvered his horse, heading for the head of the line so they could get moving and towards the center of the wall.

 

* * *

 

There were no titans in sight, neither of their two scouts could find any in any direction the entire day they rode. With a smaller group, it was surprisingly easier to move around, though why their group was smaller always hit Marco in the chest, and he avoided thinking about it. Instead, he focused on keeping up with the group, since he and Bertholdt were placed in the rear.

“How much longer until we reach Swamp Sina?” Marco glanced over to Bertl who started from the sudden question. Bertholdt had always been the one best with maps between the two of them, and he’d helped Annie and the scouts map their passage to Sina since there wasn’t a real direct route from Northgate.

“About a day at most. We might get there by lunch tomorrow,” Bertl paused, his brow furrowing before he continued, “Though our pause at Castle Cornwall took more than we thought, and we didn’t leave until around ten yesterday morning, so maybe tomorrow afternoon.” He stayed quiet after that, and Marco eyed him a bit, shaking his head after and looking ahead as the other soldiers followed Annie.

“You know, I think I remember seeing an old map of the interior, and that there used to be another castle somewhere in the middle of Sina. Do you know anything about it?” Marco hadn’t seen very many maps, but he’d seen a few around the house he and Jean shared for only a day. There were some that made the interior look a lot larger, and it seemed to have more than one wall, though he’d never even heard of there being more than one wall outside of ‘The Wall’. It was all very confusing, and he didn’t like thinking about it. But what if there was a castle in the middle of the swamp? What if it held the key to whatever these titans were?

“Yes, there is. Castle Smont… you must have been looking at a very old map. My dad… he was a map maker, and so I’ve seen a few that he helped his father make when he was a kid. Castle Smont was supposedly the old capitol, where the Reiss family lived before the revolution.”

“Well you sure paid attention in history class,” Marco chuckled. He spared an eye to glance over at Bertl whose face was turning red. He knew a lot more about whatever had happened than Marco did, so he didn’t see it as a reason to be embarrassed, but he didn’t bring it up. “Was there anything else?”

“Well, my dad told me that there had been experiments done… on the people within the walls, and that his father told him that there had even been more walls before. Like The Wall had three walls, and they were Maria, the biggest, then Rose, and then Sina. Everything we know now… it was inside Wall Sina.”

“Holy shit. What?” Marco stopped his horse, and Bertl was quick to stop his, his eyes flicking over to their group slowly getting more ahead of them. He was sweating, which was like him, but he seemed to be more nervous than warm. “Bertl, what else do you know? Do you know what could be going on?”

“No! I just know… I just know that whatever this is… it’s in the people.”

“In the people?! What the hell are you even talking about?” It seemed as though that everything Bertl told him only gave him more questions, and nothing was making any sense. The people had it in them? Had what in them? The titans? How could that even be possible?

“The people are turning into titans! They’re being drawn towards something that’s been kept secret at Castle Smont… they’re being drawn towards their creator.” Bertl couldn’t look Marco in the eye, and he just pushed his heels into his horse, beginning to catch up with the group, leaving Marco behind.

The titans were people, the people were turning into titans. There was nothing that made sense now, and Marco was just trying to wade through it all without it pulling him under. He soon stirred his own horse to begin catching up with Bertl, who didn’t seem to want to talk anymore. Marco didn’t push at him for anything else, and if he wanted to keep it a secret, well, it would be Marco’s job to convince him otherwise.

They continued to ride in silence from then, and Marco made sure to give Bertholdt his distance. He didn’t want to spook him, or pressure him into something, especially when it was something so important as what he’d told him, but it was important enough to where Marco couldn't leave it alone. When they were preparing to stop for the night they came upon another village, and it was completely destroyed. Every building looked to be caved in or crumbling, nothing looked safe for anything. They did find a rather large barn that stood untouched, and they decided they could spend the night in and around there. They took what they could from the village, making sure everyone had enough supplies. They were definitely due to arrive at Swamp Sina the next day, and apparently Castle Smont.

As usual, Marco and Bertl set up their bunks close by each other, up on the second floor of the barn. Only a couple others joined them up there, since it didn’t feel entirely safe, but they needed all the room they could get. There was a small opening in part of the roof that Marco had placed his bedroll under, and it was nice to look through it and see the stars. He turned to see Bertl still sitting up, his hands bunched up in his hair.

“Bertl? What’s wrong?” Marco sat up as well, leaning towards the other man.

“We all know… we don’t know how to stop it, but Annie, Reiner, they know too. I don’t think Reiner’s told anyone. What if they’re going into a bloodbath? What if they die?” Bertl’s breathing became erratic and Marco moved to be sitting in front of him. He didn’t know what to do, but he knew that maybe just being there for him would help.

“We talked about this, Bertl. They aren’t going to die. They’ll be fine. Jean’s Lord Commander, and Reiner is high up, they higher ups don’t usually die,” Marco smiled as he talked, trying to keep it lighthearted. What he said wasn’t the exact truth, but it wasn’t a lie. None of the higher ranking officials died on the battlefield, that was the truth. The lie was that they did die, but for completely different reasons.  

“Erwin lost his arm! What if that happens to them? What if they lose a limb? They could die from blood loss because no one could get to them in time!” His breathing grew quicker and his face was turning red. Marco didn’t know what to do, he just knew he shouldn't touch him, not when his hands were holding his head like that.

“Bertholdt!” Marco knew the others would hear him with how loud he was, but he needed to calm him down. There was no sense in worrying, they could die any minute, a titan could just come and fall into the barn and kill the rest of the regiment, but that wasn’t something they needed to worry about. There were more important things, like saving those of who were left in Westgate, if there was anyone left.

“Marco… I’m scared.” Bertl took a large, shaky breath, closing his eyes after.

“Why?”

“Because I’m one of them,” he whispered, opening his green, bloodshot eyes, staring straight into Marco’s brown ones. He couldn’t speak, not with what he’d told him.

“You’re a titan?” Marco replied. He knew he was shaking, he felt himself trembling under his shirt and pants and it terrified him.

“I can… I can turn into one. I did it before… Only a few times… Annie, Reiner… Ymir…”

“What?!” Marco kept his voice soft, but the urgency was still there. The queen’s consort was a titan? She could turn into one? “Bertholdt… would you be able to help stop the rest of the titans?”

“I-I don’t know. I feel… We all feel the same pull that the titans do. I don’t know if I won’t hurt you if I do.” He was beginning to calm, his breathing returning to normal. Marco figured that he was well worn from the riding and the prospects of the day to come.

“Well, then you should keep it to yourself. You should talk to Annie about telling the others, and maybe we’ll be better suited for this when the time comes.” Marco smiled, trying to reassure him. His body felt cold though, he knew he was talking with someone who wasn’t human. How could he be when he could turn into a titan? But… it didn’t make him not his friend. Bertholdt had never been mean or hurtful, only helpful and kind. He couldn’t possibly be a threat, and if Annie could turn into one too, well that definitely meant that whatever was turning these people into titans, apparently permanently, was the real enemy.

 

* * *

 

The only thing that Jean could think of that night was how Marco’s regiment had left a week before they had. They could all be dead, they could all be lying across some street in Northgate or in the field somewhere, with blood seeping from every pore and with detached limbs. Every night that thought made him sick, and even throw up at times. He’d already woken up a few nights with the image of Marco lying on the ground somewhere, half eaten and in a pool of his own blood. He hadn’t eaten that day. Levi reminded him that they could be in Northgate, they could be safe and Jean could be worrying over nothing. Either way though, Jean was still nervous about not seeing him after so long.

They were meant to reach Swamp Sina the next day, and they were camping between a fork in the river. Jean was in his tent, and Levi was off doing numbers or talking to someone else about preparations for tomorrow, Jean couldn’t remember which. He was looking over the map he had. Something had always bothered him about the fact that humanity had stuck behind this wall, but there was nothing in it except a few villages. He’d sworn he’d seen a map with something larger, something more substantial in the middle of the Wall. He didn’t worry about it though, he just needed to make sure that his men survived this, and that they ended the threat of the titans.

Jean hadn’t heard Reiner walk into his tent, so when someone coughed Jean almost leaped out of his clothes. He turned to see Reiner, his fist over his heart as he looked straight ahead, though at nothing in particular.

“I came in after you didn’t answer, Lord Commander. I think I have some important information for you.” Reiner was sweating, something Jean hadn’t seen since their training days. Jean nodded and sat down on the small stool he had and motioned for Reiner to do the same on the other they had in there.

“What is it?” Jean watched as Reiner picked his words carefully, and he wondered what would need so much thought if it was vital to their survival.

“There is a castle in the middle of Swamp Sina, called Castle Smont. It’s surrounded by a small town, empty now like the castle. Except… there is one thing in the castle, and it’s what’s guiding the titans towards it.” Reiner looked straight into Jean’s eyes, and he could barely stay sitting.

There were so many things that lit off inside Jean’s head he didn’t know what to do with all of them. He ran his hand through his hair and took a large breath, thinking of what this meant. It meant that there maybe a better solution than killing off his entire regiment, that there was maybe something that could be done to save everybody.

“What is it?”

“It’s… It’s the one who started this. The one who made these people turn into titans.”

“You’re telling me that these titans that we’ve been killing… they’re all people?” Jean could barely breath with this news, and when Reiner nodded his head, he wanted to fall over and die. They’d been killing the very inhabitants he swore he’d protect. “How do you know?”

“Because I and a few others are able to turn into titans and back at will. We’re… we’re the passing specimens from this experiment.”

“Reiner, what you tell me now could get you killed. If I can look back and find any disloyalty by you for the kingdom, you’ll be sentenced to die.” Jean did not want him to die. Reiner was a good man, he was looking forward to his own wedding once this was all over. He surely couldn’t be a part of this entire thing, not when a majority of their population was being decimated.

“I know, and I haven’t. This information, I don’t want others knowing. You can tell Commander Levi, but I don’t want the others to know. Please.” Reiner was pleading for his life essentially, and who was Jean to keep this from his soldiers? He was Lord Commander, he already chose who lived and who died, he could keep this information from his soldiers.

“I will keep your secret. I will tell everyone about that castle. That is information that could save their lives. Reiner Braun, thank you. You can return to your post.” Reiner stood up as he said this, and Jaen did as well. He extended his hand, and Reiner looked at it for a second before taking it, his grip strong like a bear’s.

“Thank you, Lord Commander.” Reiner let go and saluted him then left the tent. Jean felt like collapsing after he left, and he did sit back down, his head in his hands. What was he to do about this? Either way they were heading for a bloodbath, and he couldn’t change that fact.

Levi walked into the tent soon after, and Jean glanced at him.

“We’ve got a lot to talk about before the night is through.”

“Let’s get started then.” Levi sat down on his stool and nodded. Jean was in for a long night.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean arrives to Castle Smont in all its glory, and his armor almost fails him.

It happened all at once. Every single possibility seemed to converge and lend a hand in what Jean thought was going to be their destruction. Castle Smont was there, just as Reiner had told him, but he hadn’t expected the ruins of the old castle to be coated in blood. He had to assume the worst from it, and that meant that the regiment that had gone to Northgate, and had most likely traveled there, was gone; every last man and woman was dead.

“Stay alert.” Jean had his sword in his hand, ready to hack through anything should it come their way. The procession behind him all followed him into the broken gates of what apparently had used to be the castle grounds. The sky turned black for only a second, lightning shot down on the other side of the castle, and smoke began to rise after it left. What rose from the smoke made Jean stare, his eyes wide with fear. The body of a woman, devoid of skin, rose from the walls and ruins. Seconds after, the sky went dark again, and lightning stuck down relentlessly.

“What’s going on?” Jean turned his horse, looking to Reiner who sat on his own behind him. Reiner shook his head, his mouth slightly open as he watched.

“I don’t know! That’s Annie… That’s Annie! The others might be alive!” Reiner whipped the reins of his horse and they galloped off towards where the lightning seemed to be crashing down. Jean tried to make sense of what was happening, but soon after Reiner was gone, the sky returned to blue.

They all rose at once, the enormous bodies of the titans crashing through the stone and rubble from the ruins of Castle Smont. There didn’t seem to be any other titans in the area, just the ones that had suddenly appeared. Jean didn’t know what to do, he didn’t know if there was anything he could do. Levi reared his horse next to him, watching the sight as well.

“Lord Commander, what are your orders?” Levi moved his horse closer, glancing from Jean’s face to the titans, his other hand ready on the sword on his waist. If Annie was indeed alive, it had to be likely that the rest were alive too, or at least that she wasn't the last one, since he knew she wasn’t the best warrior of those she’d taken. There had to be other survivors. Jean swallowed, and turned his head to see how the rest of the soldiers fared, and he found their faces to be much like his probably was.

“We need to find out if there are any other survivors. Send some to go on foot through the remains of the castle, and there need to be a few that go through and kill the titans. I don’t care if we have these shifters; we need to get rid of the threat. If they go to hurt you, you can hurt them. Those that don’t go to find the survivors need to fight the titans. Tell the others. I… I’ll join those fighting the titans.” He wasn’t the best at downing them either, but they could use all the hands they could get. “We have just over four hundred soldiers. Thirty, and no more, should go to getting the survivors. You chose who goes, and then chose to join them or join those going for the titans. I’m dispersing now.” Jean shook his reins after Levi nodded and turned towards the rest of the procession. He didn’t have time to stay around and talk to them. Jean had one mission, and that was to take out whatever threatened his people, and if those shifters, if those others that Reiner talked about shifted, and attacked them, well, he would kill them too.

Again time passed by like wind, a small breeze in places, a violent maelstrom in others, and it made everything seem melded together, as though nothing was ever separate. The thirty that were to search the castle were doing as much, but he hadn’t seen them since he split the group. The only thing that held his attention were the titans that didn’t seem to care about human life. They stomped through the ruins, not caring if they accidentally stepped on one of his soldiers or they happened to send them flying with a simple step. Killing them seemed to get easier, as they were already tripping over their own feet, and their necks were left uncovered and ready for cutting. Jean lost track of how many times he’d remounted his horse after cutting into the flesh on a titan’s neck.

Something amazing happened as the sun started to set though, and Jean didn’t know how to explain it. Annie, in her titan form, and another titan Jean assumed was Reiner, began to attack the titans as well, able to punch them down and take out their weak spots. The other titans, if there was a real difference, began to slow with the fading sunlight, making them easy prey for everyone. Soon enough there were only a few left, roaming the streets, running away from everyone, but still managing to hurt or kill more of his men. Jean sat atop his horse, blood staining his armor and dried on his skin. There was smoke rising from all parts of the castle grounds from the bodies of titans evaporating and deteriorating. There weren’t any titans in the immediate area, and he felt as though he deserved a break, so he dismounted his horse and rested his hands on his hips, letting himself soak up the last rays of the sun.

The ground began to vibrate, a loud pounding coming from behind him, and he turned his head to see a titan running his way. It moved fast, it’s arms lying limp on it’s sides, and behind it was the titan Jean and everyone else had assumed was Reiner, its skin coated in a rock hard armor. There was no one else in the area, and that was when Jean realized he shouldn’t be either. If he had finished, he should have left the grounds to rejoin the rest of his soldiers. It was too late to do that. The titans didn’t see him, and he couldn’t move an inch.

The armored titan ran towards the other, grabbing it’s arms and throwing it up into the air. It caught the other titan by the ankles, and began to spin around, finally letting it go in the direction of the main tower of the castle; the titan flew right in Jean’s direction. He felt himself being thrown to the ground, far away, and he heard a large crack. His legs began to feel wet, and then his vision quickly became blurred with black clouds.

 

* * *

 

“What do you mean I can’t see him? He’s my husband!”

“He’s not well enough to have visitors! We were barely able to get to him before he bled to death. I’m sorry Marco, you need to stay outside of the tent.” And that was that. The doctor left Marco standing outside of Jean’s tent, his hands in fists.

Their small regiment of only fifty eight had arrived in Castle Smont just the night before, and there hadn’t been any titans in sight. Marco couldn’t remember much after that, nothing except a needle and pain, and then someone shaking him awake in a room, shouting at him that Lord Commander Jean Kirschtein was there to save them. There were only a few more people in the same room as him, and Bertholdt and Annie hadn’t been there, but he later saw Bertl on the field, cutting into a titan’s neck. There were two titans that even started helping them, and Bertl looked at them and told Marco that they were Annie and Reiner.

After the titans were gone, everything had been so bloody. They began pulling whom they could out of the ruins, only those who had a chance of surviving were allowed, they couldn’t pull everyone back on the carts, and so that meant only a few of the hundreds that were lost. The rest died in the ruins, soaked in blood that wasn’t all their own. Marco had joined them outside the castle grounds, and he felt as though he’d walked onto another battlefield. The grass that happened to not be trampled was stained with blood from others carrying soldiers out to be treated. He hadn’t expected anyone to come out of the rubble of Castle Smont with his husband in their arms.

From the glance Marco had gotten of Jean, he knew he was in bad shape, and the doctors that hadn’t died went to take care of him. He understood that he needed to be out of their way, especially when Jean looked so horrible. The armor on his chest had a large dent in it, one of his legs had looked bent in an angle not humanly possible; everything else made the bile rise in Marco’s throat, and he tried not to vomit as he turned from the tent. This whole thing was still a mess, and looking back at the majority of the camp, he wasn’t sure what to do.

Every soldier now stared off into nothing, or their eyes were closed as they tried to feign sleep, to rest and relieve themselves of this burden they’d never be able to hand off. Marco had missed it, he’d been out cold for some unknown reason, and they’d lost over two hundred soldiers when there could only have been maybe a dozen or so titans. He trudged his way through, making sure his feet didn’t stick into the mud as he did.

Levi was in a different tent because of Jean’s condition, and so Marco made his way there. If anyone knew how he felt right now, it had to be him. There were several other soldiers waiting to enter his tent, and one left it in a huff, tears streaming down their face. Marco swallowed and pushed past them, not caring about the looks they shot him.

“Commander Levi, you’ve got to let me go and see him. They’d finished setting the bone and their surgery, they’ve finished and I need… I need to see him,” Marco’s voice faltered in the end, and he felt his eyes begin to sting. It felt like so long since he’d been able to see Jeans face. He hadn’t gotten a good look while they carried his mangled body away from the prying eye, and now he was refused any sight of him.

“What have the doctors said?” Levi was writing on a small wooden slab that rested on his knees. He didn’t look up while he asked his question.

“They said he wasn’t well for visitors. He won’t even know I’m there! I just need to see him, Levi. I need to see him and make sure he’s okay,” Marco said, his voice soft by the ending. His body felt numb, and the armor he still wore only served to weigh him down. If he couldn’t see Jean tonight, he didn’t know what he would do.

“Alright, just wait a moment, Bodt.” Levi pulled out another piece of paper, scribbling on it quickly before handing it to him. “If anyone asks you to leave, show them that, and don’t be difficult about it. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Marco took the paper and nodded, leaving Levi to write his letters.

The campsite was still the dull, almost lifeless place it had been before he entered Levi’s tent, but he hurried past it now, almost running to Jean’s tent. One of the doctors was standing outside, scribbling something onto her small pile of paper. She saw Marco approached and moved to cover the flap that served as the door.

“You’re not allowed to enter.”

“I am. Look at this,” Marco breathed, out of breath even from the short walk. He pushed the paper into her hands and then moved around her to enter the tent. He hadn’t even read the note, but he trusted Levi, and he didn’t care right now. All he cared about was seeing how Jean was.

There were several bed rolls placed on top of one another, making the makeshift bed almost a foot off of the ground. Jean’s eyes were closed, and the majority of the top of his head was covered with bandages. His chest was bare, but the bruises that spotted all over it made Marco cover his mouth. His legs were both completely white with cloth, and on Jean’s right leg there was a stilt on three sides, bound together by strips of leather. Marco turned away and inhaled before he began removing his armor. He tossed them aside in the corner of the tent, and when he finished, he left to retrieve his own bed roll and blanket. He set them up next to Jean’s, and even though his husband was a good couple inches above him, Marco faced him and laced their hands together, then closed his eyes. The only thing that comforted him then, was the steady breathing of the man next to him.

* * *

 

_‘Let Marco Bodt into Lord Commander Jean Kirschtein’s tent. This is an order. If he so chooses to move his belongings into it, let him. We don’t know for certain if Jean will pull through, and so let the damn man potentially spend his last night with his husband. - Levi'_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, thank you so much for reading you guys, it means a lot ;///; please comment on how you liked it! Again, thank you so much! 
> 
> And I may or may not write an epilogue a bit later.


	13. Alternate Ending 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years after the battle at Castle Smont

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH ENDING
> 
> If you would prefer to not read the major character death, an alternate ending is in the next chapter. You can choose which one you prefer, I just wrote both because I could see both happening.

Marco wiped the sweat from his brow, amazed that he still wasn't used to getting up so early to finish the morning chores. Most of the time he rose before the sun did, and that left him a little time to watch the sunrise. He finished moving the hay around the barn for the cows and sheep when they would come back in, as it was they would have enough grass to graze on outside in the pastures. Marco picked up the buckets of milk that waited for him by the barn doors, and began his short trek back to the house along the dirt path.

He placed the fresh buckets of milk into the house, into the underground cellar that was able to keep them somewhat cold. He close the doors and didn't bother placing the bar keeping it closed. The basket next to the door waited for him, and he picked it up and then headed for the chicken coop. The chickens were all flustered when they saw him, but after he checked his basket for holes, he was able to pick up the eggs the hens had laid without getting pecked. He placed their feeds in the small troughs and left with his basket of eggs. Those went into the cellar too.

The horses were still sleeping, but he readied them and got their oats. Jean's horse stayed laying down, and Marco had to try and lift him up, to try and get him started for the day. He needed to plow the fields later, and he could only do that if both horses helped him. Jean's horse just didn't seem to want to cooperate, so he moved back to his own, brushing her down while she ate her oats.

With the long list of morning chores done, Marco decided it was time for breakfast. He started a fire in the iron stove, adding a few more logs he'd chopped just the other day, and cracked a couple of the fresh eggs into an iron skillet, adding some milk as he stirred them up. He usually had fruit for breakfast, or bread he'd made the previous day, but eggs were a nice turn around. He hadn't had eggs in a while. Marco cleaned the dishes after that and figured he could go on a nice stroll before he finished everything he needed to do, so he took his work boots off and replaced them with his sandals, leaving the house with a straw hat on his head.

The sun was just beginning to peak up and over the horizon when Marco finally got to the old willow tree that stood in the back of his property. He smiled and stood against it, almost leaning as he watched the sun rise. The sky turned from blue to a blend of pink, orange and yellow, the clouds reflecting the light to make it even more spectacular. He smiled, and thought of all the times he had seen the very same sunrise with Jean after morning practices and before they went to the kitchens to eat breakfast.

“Isn't it beautiful, Jean? Just like before too,” Marco's voice was soft, filled with wonder at the beauty before him. He slowly turned his head to his left, then his eyes swept over as he took in the small rock engraved with Jean's name. “Just like before.”

Marco smiled and sat down by the rock, his hand placed over the name he hadn't spoken in years. The sunrise continued, and Marco was just content to sit and watch with his husband. But he had mores chores to do, so he patted the rock, kissing his hand before placing it again on the face and standing up, walking back to the barn.

There were buckets of seeds for wheat and corn and plenty of other vegetables. Marco liked growing those rather than fruit trees, those took too long to grow, and the few he'd planted when he'd first bought the place after Swamp Sina were enough for what he needed. His horse, Melody, content with neighing all day whenever he pet her and whenever the plowing seemed to be especially hard. It only took the most part of the morning to plow the small fields he'd gotten along with the property, and then he began sowing the seeds. The pouch on his side, filled with various seeds, were thrown onto the rows of the broken earth, and he hoped they took root, but he wouldn't mind if they didn't. He finished by lunch time, the sun high above him and bearing down, creating more freckles that spread across his nose, cheeks, and shoulders. They hadn't been touched in years, and he didn't really like to think about that.

By the time Marco was finished with everything, the sun was beginning to dip down past the trees in the distance, and he figured it was time to turn in, to return the animals to their pens, and make sure they had enough food for the night. He didn't return to his house until the sun was almost gone.

There were several horses lined along the house that hadn't been there before, and he smiled at the sight of them. He'd forgotten about the visitors he'd plan to have that day, fives years after what he didn't like to remember. There were a group of people sitting around the too small table in his house, forced smiles on their faces as they tried not to think of why they were there. They all held small baskets filled with things, some of them also held lanterns, and when they saw him they stopped. Marco waved his hand, gesturing that he would show them the way.

The walk down the path again was silent, but he didn't mind. His shirt was still stained with sweat, and it clung to his chest uncomfortably. The rest didn't seem to notice or mind. The willow tree still stood tall, waiting for them, almost welcoming them under its branches.

They set the lanterns in the lower branches closer to the trunk, and laid them down the path, lighting the candles inside and then they all saw close to the stone, in a ring with it as the center. They stayed silent.

“You know, I didn't think he was that big of an asshole.” That was Eren, his half apology for what had happened so long ago the same as the years before.

“He was brave, and great, and he trusted us both.” Reiner took Bertholdt's hand and they stayed silent after that, their eyes resting on the ground in front of the grave.

“He was nice too. He'd never been explicitly mean on purpose. He liked helping and encouraging others,” Armin was trying to sound like he was confident in his statement, but no one could keep the tremor out of their voices. Marco smiled at each of them as they talked, and he just moved to be sitting in front of the stone, atop where his husband's body rested. He then heard horses nearing, and turned to see Annie, Ymir, Levi, and Erwin, the latter two with small flecks of gray in their hair. They stayed silent as they dismounted, and they joined the circle.

“He was a great leader, and I'm glad I named him to replace me. He made the kingdom proud,” Erwin sounded confident, and Levi just nodded next to him. They sat there in silence for the next hour or so, and Marco failed in keeping his tears in. Nobody said anything.

They left in groups and couples, leaving Marco there among the lanterns, each one placing candles around the headstone, some briefly touching and holding Marco's shoulder, whispering goodbyes under their breath, not really caring if he heard. He didn't really listen.

Then he was alone, and he let the time pass by, again not paying attention. The candles slowly went out, the few around the headstone saying lit, but burning down to the nub as the sun began to rise again.

“Just like before, Jean. Just like before.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this!! I know that the end might seem a bit bittersweet, and I hope you liked it anyways ;u;


	14. Alternate Ending 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five years after the battle at Castle Smont.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like this ending a lot, especially because fluff makes my heart swell and my body warm. ;u;

 Marco wiped the sweat from his brow, amazed that he still wasn't used to getting up so early to finish the morning chores. Most of the time he rose before the sun did, and that left him a little time to watch the sunrise. He finished moving the hay around the barn for the cows and sheep when they would come back in, as it was they would have enough grass to graze on outside in the pastures. Marco picked up the buckets of milk that waited for him by the barn doors, and began his short trek back to the house along the dirt path.

He placed the fresh buckets of milk into the house, into the underground cellar that was able to keep them somewhat cold. He close the doors and didn't bother placing the bar keeping it closed. The basket next to the door waited for him, and he picked it up and then headed for the chicken coop. The chickens were all flustered when they saw him, but after he checked his basket for holes, he was able to pick up the eggs the hens had laid without getting pecked. He placed their feeds in the small troughs and left with his basket of eggs. Those went into the cellar too.

The horse was still sleeping, but he readied his own and got her oats. Jean's stall was empty. He needed to plow the fields later, and he could only do that if both horses helped him, so he'd have to wait until he returned.

With the long list of morning chores done, Marco decided it was time for breakfast. He started a fire in the iron stove, adding a few more logs he'd chopped just the other day, and cracked a couple of the fresh eggs into an iron skillet, adding some milk as he stirred them up. He usually had fruit for breakfast, or bread he'd made the previous day, but eggs were a nice turn around. He hadn't had eggs in a while. Marco cleaned the dishes after that and figured he could go on a nice stroll before he finished everything he needed to do, so he took his work boots off and replaced them with his sandals, leaving the house with a straw hat on his head.

The sun was just beginning to peak up and over the horizon when Marco finally got to the old willow tree that stood in the back of his property. He smiled and stood against it, almost leaning as he watched the sun rise. The sky turned from blue to a blend of pink, orange and yellow, the clouds reflecting the light to make it even more spectacular. He smiled, and thought of all the times he had seen the very same sunrise with Jean after morning practices and before they went to the kitchens to eat breakfast.

“Isn't it beautiful? Just like before too.” The voice came from behind him, and Marco turned to see Jean. There were several scars that ran over his face, but they'd faded with long sun exposure. Jean smiled at Marco, placing his hands on his hips as he stood next to Marco, looking out at the sun.

“Yeah, it's just like before... I can't believe we made it here.”

“Me either,” Jean sighed, lowering his hands to wrap around Marco's waist. He kissed his shoulder and the moved to kiss him gently.

“I thought you weren't going to be back until later.” Marco loved that Jean was there earlier than he'd said, a lot earlier, but he still wondered why he'd taken such a long trip in the dark.

“Yeah, I know, but I thought you could use some help with the plowing and sewing. I know how much you hate it.” Jean kissed the side of Marco's faced, smiling against his skin. “We should hurry and get ready for the night. We've got to have everything ready before they arrive.”

“We should. We can start in an hour,” Marco turned his body, moving his hand to bring Jan's face closer to him, kissing the tip of his nose and then kissing his mouth, letting the chaste kiss linger before his hands wandered down to grab Jean's. They stayed there under the tree for the next half hour, lying in the grass and reveling in everything they'd gone through to get there.

They placed the harnesses on the horses, and though Jean's was already well worked from pulling a cart back from Westgate, he moved well enough for the plow. It took a few hours, getting the small land they owned plowed, pulling the metal pieces through the ground to break it up, readying it for the spring sewing. Once finished, Jean brought the horses back to the stable, while Marco places seeds in both of their bags, and then they both began to walk barefoot through the fields, tossing their seeds onto the broken ground, hoping they would take root and sprout. Their seeds gone and spread, they headed back to the house, the sun high overhead, spreading more freckles across Marco's nose, cheeks, and shoulders. Jean couldn't help but spot them out, pressing his fingers into his skin and kissing them lightheartedly.

The party was to start in the mid afternoon, and they hadn't quite finished getting ready. Marco got out the fruits and vegetables they still have in their store house from the last harvest, and they knew they'd need to buy more to eat for the rest of the time until the next harvest season. Jean brought out a barrel of ale, something they'd made by themselves after great practice. Their five year anniversary was important; they'd come this far since what had taken place what felt like so long ago, they wanted to celebrate in the right way.

A table was set up outside, and Marco wiped the sweat off of his brow again, leaving his hand over his eyes to look onto the path that lead to Westgate. He could vaguely make out the figures of riders on their horses.

“Jean! They'll be here soon! Get the fire going and put that pig on the spit!” Marco hurried to the house again, grabbing the wooden mugs from the counter and placing them by the barrel that sat on the end of the table. Jean ran out of the house, towards the pile of wood Marco had readied the day before. The stakes that would hold the spit stood, and the big he'd butchered and gutted was ready for it as soon as the flames jumped up. People began to arrive after that.

Armin was there for Eren, Mikasa, and himself, since the other two couldn't attend for their duties to the queen. He was the first to arrive, and with him was Reiner and Bertholdt, their own anniversary only three weeks after Jean and Marco's. They had food of their own that they brought, and they quickly began helpings to set things up, taking stools from the barn and chairs from the house to set around the large table.

After them came Connie and Sasha, their first child sitting in front of Connie on his horse. They were the only ones to have a child of all the couples, though Jean and Marco had talked about taking one of the many kids orphaned from the dangerous venture they took so long ago. Levi and Erwin came next, riding on a wagon since Erwin still didn't feel safe riding with one arm. They brought more chairs in their wagon, and Marco welcomed them all as Jean stayed with by the pit, turning the pig slowly over the flames.

By dinner time, everyone was there and sitting around the table, laughing with a joy Marco couldn't remember having in a long time. They feasted with bread, cheese, and pork, and Levi and Erwin had also brought a few bottles of fine wine for those who didn't want the ale they'd worked over. They talked of what had happened since Jean had named the last Lord Commander, some man Marco couldn't remember, no longer caring about the position since Jean no longer held it. Levi and Erwin still proudly served the queen, though more as the trainers of the new recruits. Connie and Sasha now owned the tavern they'd frequented so often in their own days as knights, and Armin still sat as the Queen's and the Lord Commander's adviser. Reiner and Bertholdt owned a farm as well, though closer to Westgate than Jean and Marco. They stopped talking as the sun began to set, all of them watching the sky go from pink, to yellow, to orange, to a dark starry blue. Then they slowly began to depart in groups until Reiner and Bertholdt were the last ones leaving, waving, saying they'd be able to trade some crops and supplies later on during the summer if they needed anything else.

Jean and Marco then worked together, not putting everything away, but making it easier to do so the next morning. Once that was finished, Jean took Marco's hand, kissing the back before pulling him into the house and towards their room. He kissed and caressed Marco's face gently, his thumbs running over his cheeks as he smiled against his lips. Marco couldn't help but laugh softly at how extremely calm Jean was, how nice and soothing every soft touch was.

“I love you,” Jean said against his mouth, kissing him again after. Marco smiled into the kiss, his hands going to hold Jean's waist, pulling him closer.

“I love you too.” Marco moved, pushing his nose into Jean's neck, holding him closer and just breathing him in. “I'm so glad we made it. We made it all the way here, Jean.”

“Yeah,” Jean mumbled into his shoulder, exhaling against his bare skin. “Yeah, we did.” 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!


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